


you outshine the morning sun

by imalivebecauseirondad



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Gen, I won't apologize, I'm not a doctor don't trust this fic to be accurate, Medical Inaccuracies, NOT STARKER - Freeform, Nightmares, Peter Parker Has Nightmares, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Platonic Soulmates, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romantic Soulmates, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Nightmares, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Trauma, basically every canon scene that shows tony with mental illnesses, don't you dare ship them in this you nasties, harley isn't a really big part of this but i figured i should tag him, im sorry, this was supposed to be way shorter it got way out of hand, yes i stole a line from pjo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:14:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25055263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imalivebecauseirondad/pseuds/imalivebecauseirondad
Summary: "J," Tony says, overcome with shock. "What's going on?""I believe, Sir," JARVIS replies, "that you have just met your soulmate."Or: Tony Stark lives in a world that's partially grey, and will always stay that way. Unless he meets his soulmates, of course, in which case the colours will come flooding into his life. He just isn't sure he's ever going to meet them. Or if they even want to.
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) & Tony Stark, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 39
Kudos: 331
Collections: The Best Irondad/Spiderson Fics, The Best Peter Parker Whump Fics, The Best of the Best MCU Fics, The Friendly Neighborhood Exchange





	you outshine the morning sun

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jen27ny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jen27ny/gifts).



> I'm so excited to finally be posting this! It took forever to make and is definitely my longest fic yet, and I'm proud of it. Hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> Check out the collection for more amazing stories. Everyone's so talented it's amazing

_"Jarvis, why is everything grey?"_

_Jarvis sits on the chair next to Tony, who looks up at him with big, curious eyes. "Has your mother told you about soulmates yet, Anthony?"_

_Tony shakes his head, then pauses. "No, but I think she said something about them once."_

_"Everyone has two soulmates - one romantic, one platonic." Jarvis pauses. "Can you tell me what that word means, young master?"_

_"It means, it means that you like someone, or you love them, but you don't wanna kiss them," he says, beaming when Jarvis gives him a smile._

_"Very good," he praises, and Tony's smile only gets bigger. "No one knows why it happens, but everyone is born into a world missing two colours - the eyes of their soulmates. It is only when you meet your soulmate that you see those colours. And if..."_

_"If what?" he prods_. _Jarvis sighs and looks away._

_"If your soulmate dies," he continues in a quiet voice, "anything that is the colour of their eyes will turn grey once again."_

_There's a beat. "Oh," Tony says. The silence is heavy. "I wish you were my soulmate."_

_"As do I, Master Anthony," Jarvis says in a warmer voice, and the atmosphere lightens. By now, Tony knows better than to say he shouldn't call him "Master", so he keeps quiet. "Now, I have something very important to tell you."_

_"What is it?" he asks eagerly._

_"Listen carefully, young sir," he whispers, like he's about to tell him a very important secret. "The secret, Anthony, is that your soulmates do not define you."_

_He scrunches up his nose. "What do you mean?"_

" _People will tell you different things, but always remember, that you are under no obligation to like or stay with your soulmate. Understood?"_

_"So, if my romantic soulmate is someone who I know but don't want to, um..." Here, Tony pauses and makes a face, because kissing is gross unless Jarvis and Anna, because they don't do it a lot and even if they do, it's really sweet and soft, so he doesn't mind as much. "I don't want to kiss them, then I don't have to, right? I can just stay friends?"_

_"That's right," Jarvis confirms. "My, look at the time! You should be asleep right now."_

_Tony snuggles into his blankets as Jarvis tucks him in, smoothing his hair. "Jarvis, when_ _I_ _meet my soulmate, I'm going to tell you and Ana before anyone else."_

_"Even before your parents?"_

_"Even before them," he confirms sleepily, "because Daddy says not to bother him with stupid things, and Mommy's going to be busy. She's always busy."_

_He thinks there's something sad in his voice when he says, "I can't wait, Anthony."_

* * *

When Tony is fifteen, he's shipped off to MIT, and the only bad thing about that is that he won't be able to see Jarvis or Anna or his mom anymore.

He's lugging his boxes to his room, all by himself - Jarvis had wanted to come, but Howard wouldn't let him - as his dad follows him, his presence practically suffocating him. Tony somehow manages to open the door with his foot. He shifts the boxes and takes a step forward - then promptly crashes into someone and falls down. Tony hits the floor and blacks out for a second.

"Shit!" someone exclaims. He blinks, and then there's a worried face hovering over his. "You okay? Sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going."

Tony takes a moment to reply. "Yeah, 'm fine," he mumbles, not meeting the other guy's eyes - partly because he's embarrassed, and partly because, well, what if this is it? What if this is his soulmate?

He sits up and looks around. The few boxes he'd been carrying were on the floor, and by some stroke of luck, nothing had fallen out. There are two beds in the room, and he notices that the left one's already taken. Before he can take in anything else, there's a tight, almost painful grip on his arm.

"Get up," Howard whispers harshly, yanking him up from the floor. He keeps the hand on his arm when Tony's off the ground, making him wince. "I take it you're my son's roommate?"

The guy nodded, holding out his hand. "Yeah. I'm James Rhodes."

Tony shakes his hand, staring at his chin. He wants to say something, but Howard's disapproval and disgust practically radiates from him, making him feel small and insignificant. After a tense silence, Howard says, "Well, I guess I'll leave you two to it. Remember what I said before, son."

_"You better not mess this up. You finally did something worthwhile, so if you fail at this like you've failed at everything else - well, you won't like what happens."_

"Yes, sir," Tony mutters. Howard claps a hand on his back. It's meant to look friendly, but his grip is a little too tight for that. He lets go, and then he's gone, and Tony can finally breathe. 

"That guy seems like an asshole," James says, jolting a sudden laugh out of Tony. "So, what's your name?"

Here, he hesitates, because, well - he's a _Stark._ That's sure to make his life even more difficult that it'll already be here. "Tony Stark."

His roommate's eyes widen. "Tony Stark? As in-"

"Stark Industries, yeah."

"Aren't you, like...14?"

"15," Tony corrects, repressing a sigh. He nods his head towards his boxes. "Prodigy, or whatever."

James Rhodes looks at him, and Tony accidentally meets his eyes. A rush of anticipation goes through, followed immediately by disappointment when nothing happens, when his roommate's eyes stay grey. He hadn't thought he'd make any friends here unless they were his soulmate.

_"Your soulmates do not define you."_

Jarvis's voice echoes through his head.

"So, I'll take the right bed?" he asks, already preparing himself for rejection, for scorn and ridicule. But none of that comes. Instead, James nods.

"Yeah. You need help with your stuff?"

He blinks. "Um. Yeah. Okay. Sure."

"Cool." James bends down and picks up a box. Their eyes meet again. Tony grins, and James grins back.

* * *

_"Jarvis, I have a question," Tony says. He is seven years old, and he has questions about everything - people and stories and animals, and it is always Jarvis who answers them. "Does everyone have the same soulmates?"_

_"I'm afraid I don't quite understand, Master Anthony," Jarvis says._

_"What if my soulmate is someone named, uh...I don't know, Alice. And I meet her, and I see the colour of her eyes. Does that mean that I'm definitely her soulmate too?"_

_Jarvis stays quiet for a long time, and Tony's just starting to get annoyed when he says, "No. Not all soulmates are reciprocal. Take me, for instance. Ana is not my soulmate."_

_"What?" he exclaims, twisting around in his seat to face his butler. "But, but, how? You guys are so perfect together! And you love each other so much, and, and-"_

_"Do you remember what I told you, the first time you asked me about soulmates?"_

_Tony pauses. "You told me a lot of stuff then, Jarvis."_

_"Well, yes," Jarvis concedes, "but what did I say to remember, at all times?"_

_He thinks for a moment, and then he gets it. "Soulmates do not define you."_

_"Exactly. I am not Ana's soulmate, but she is mine. I remember meeting her and looking into her eyes, and being in complete awe. It was like a puzzle piece I hadn’t even known was missing fell into place. I asked her, "Do you see it too?" She said, "See what?" My heart felt like it was crumbling, and I told myself I would not fall in love with her." Jarvis smiles wryly. "I failed at that, as I have failed at many other things. But that was when I finally learned what I told you."_

_"Even if someone isn't your soulmate," Tony says, "you can still love them."_

_"Exactly."_

* * *

"What colour are your eyes, Rhodey?" Tony asks one night, lying on his bed in their dorm.

"Brown," Rhodey replies distractedly, glaring at his table. "Stupid Lake and his stupid homework."

He ignores the second part of the sentence, rolling onto his side and propping his head up on one arm. "That means my soulmate has brown eyes," he remarks thoughtfully. Rhodey snorts.

"So that rules out about, I don't know, 7% of everyone in the world who hasn't met their soulmates."

"Yep!" Tony grins at him, and he laughs. "Night, Rhodey."

"Night, Tones."

There's a pause, then Rhodey sighs.

"Fuck this, I'm going to bed."

* * *

Tony is 33 years old when he gives up on meeting his soulmate. It's been so many years that he's pretty sure they're either dead or living on the other side of the world.

Ironically, it's the same same year that meets his soulmate, and he doesn't even know who they are.

It happens like this.

He's walking into SI, talking to Happy. He looks up and accidentally meets someone's eyes. For once, he isn't wearing his sunglasses, so whoever it is knows he's looking at them. He loses them the next minute in the crowd of people, and he brushes it off, even as something in him stirs.

It's only later that he realizes that he can see a colour he's never seen before. Blue, according to JARVIS.

Tony sits on his couch, overcome by shock. "J," he says. "What's going on?"

"I believe, Sir," JARVIS replies, "that you have just met your soulmate."

* * *

A year later, he meets her, and it's completely accidental. 

"Virginia Potts?" he says, eyebrows raised. The woman in front of him sighs, and he feels a strange tugging sensation towards her.

"Believe me, it wasn't my choice."

"Is it ever?" He winks from behind his sunglasses. She does nothing but give him a polite, completely professional smile.

Oh, he _likes_ her.

"How long have you been working at SI?" Tony asks, reaching for a mug of coffee. For the first time, she looks up and meets his eyes, and his breath catches. He would recognize those eyes anywhere - how could he not, when they'd been haunting him for a year?

It's _her._

His soulmate.

"Two years," she says. Her voice is muffled, like he's underwater, and he can't rip his eyes away from her, even as his mind screams, _Stop it stop it you're being a creep stop it-_ "Mr. Stark? Are you okay?"

She sounds genuinely concerned, and it snaps him out of his daze. For the millionth time in his life, he's grateful for how his sunglasses hide his eyes. "Always," he replies smoothly, drumming his fingers on his desk to hide the way they shake. "So, weird question, kinda personal, no need to answer it - have you met your soulmates?"

Virginia blinks, obviously surprised, but after a second her face returns to being carefully neutral. "Yes, I have met both of them."

His heart crumbles inside his chest, and it takes all his willpower to stop it from showing on his face. _Not all soulmates are reciprocal,_ his butler's words from years ago floated back. "Ah."

She tilts her head a little, eyes wandering to a point behind him, close to where he'd recently hung up a painting. "Is this part of the interview?"

"Nope," he replies, leaning back. "But I'm known for going off the script, aren't I?"

For the first time, a hint of a real smile crosses her face, and he thinks that it suits her, before mentally slapping himself. _Don't,_ he scolds himself. _She may be your soulmate, but you're not hers. Don't even think_ _about getting attached to her._

"Well, then, Miss Potts, I suppose we should get on with the interview, shouldn't we?" Tony says, and is sure to remain completely professional for the rest of the time he has with her. When they're done, he gets up and offers her a hand. "Pleasure to meet you, Miss Potts. You'll be getting an email soon to tell you if you've been accepted or not."

"Thank you," she says with a nod, shaking his hand. Her grip is firm. She turns to leave, and stops at the door. "Oh, and Mr. Stark?"

"Yes?"

"That painting is absolutely atrocious."

* * *

Later that night, Tony flops onto his bed, tired out of his mind. A bottle of scotch sits on his side table, but he doesn't drink it.

"JARVIS, how am I supposed to survive?" he asks. "She was the best applicant by far, but she's my _soulmate._ "

His AI stays quiet for a while. "Sir, I believe that once you told me something Edwin Jarvis said to you."

He blinks. "What?"

"You told me, Sir, that he was the one to inform you of soulmates. He said that soulmates-"

"-do not define you," Tony finishes, having learned the familiar words by heart. They burn into his mind, reminding him of everything his butler had told him, and he wipes his eyes. "And that even if someone isn't your soulmate, you can still love them."

He stays silent for a moment.

"Ugh. Fuck this. Who cares about soulmates? I don't even know if she's really nice or whatever," he complains, before pausing and huffing. 'But if she's nice...I suppose we could be friends. Maybe."

"Of course, Sir."

(It's later, when he's lying down, that Tony realizes that it's always been Jarvis who helps him with soulmates. Before it was Edwin Jarvis, and now it's JARVIS, his AI. The thought makes him feel warm, and he falls asleep.)

* * *

Tony calls her over to his office the next day, deciding to deliver the news in person. "Congratulations, Miss Potts," he says with a grin that's equal parts fake and real. "You're hired."

She blinks, taken-aback. "I'm-I got the job?"

"Yup," he confirms. "You were the obvious choice for the job. Just one thing - I'm gonna need to come up with a nickname for you. I don't think I can call you Virginia and keep a straight face."

She laughs. "Fair enough, Mr. Stark. I should probably go now."

"Of course."

She leaves, and it's a few minutes later that he realizes he forgot to tell her what time she'll be coming to work. She'll get an email about it, but he still wants to tell her in person, if only to spend a little more time with her.

"JARVIS, where's Miss Potts?"

"On her way down, Sir. Shall I alert you to when she has left the building?"

Tony grins, leaning back in his chair. "You know me so well." He thinks about how some people might consider what he's doing creepy, but he doesn't want to hold her up. Better to talk to her when she's outside her car or something.

After a moment, JARVIS says, "Sir, I would recommend leaving now."

As Tony leaves his office, Happy appears at his shoulder. He's surprisingly silent when he wants to be. "I'm coming with you."

"Oh, come _on_ , Hap, why-"

"I go where you go, boss," Happy says. He's obviously not going to be changing his mind, but Tony still tries to annoy him into going away until they reach the lobby, which is when he sighs and finally gives up.

"Can you at least not hover over my shoulder?" he asks. "Just- wait here at the lobby in front of the doors or something. You'll be able to see us and come if something happens then."

Happy agrees reluctantly. "Why do you want to be alone, anyways? You trying to get with her or something?"

Tony sniffs. "As hard as it may be to believe, I don't only think about fucking people, Happy. Just leave us."

When he opens the door, Tony's nearly bowled over by a couple of men. Happy glowers at them, and they immediately go back outside and scarper. He briefly wonders, _What's up with them?_ before strutting outside and catching sight of Virginia. She seems weirdly tense as she walks at a pace that's surprisingly fast, considering how tall her heels are. He manages to catch up with her in a moment.

"Miss Potts-" he starts, but then she whips around and pulls something out of her purse in a fluid motion. He has just enough time to recognize it as pepper spray before she sprays him in the face. He immediately feels a burning sensation in his eyes, nose and mouth, and he stumbles away blindly.

"I already told you- oh my god! Mr. Stark, I'm so sorry, I thought you were those men- they were harassing me, I thought-" She sputters for a second. He hears pounding footsteps, and then a familiar hand grabs his shoulder and yanks him away.

"Get away from him," Happy growls at her, before his voice becomes a touch more concerned. "Come on, boss, let's get you - what the hell are you shaking your head for? This woman just pepper-sprayed you! You better not be hiring her, or-"

Tony manages to stand up straight, throwing a hand in what he thinks is her general direction. "Pepper!" he manages to gasp out, before he delves into a fit of coughs.

"Um, yes, Mr. Stark," she says hesitantly. "I...I pepper-sprayed you, and I completely understand if you don't want me working for you anymore, I-"

"Are you kidding?" he rasps. The words are painful to get out, but he manages. He's used to pain. He's been dealing with it since he was a kid. "No way. You're staying."

"But-" Both of them start to protest, but he raises a hand.

"Now get me inside," he demands, blindly groping around for Happy, as he starts coughing again. It hurts, but he's grinning like a lunatic all the while.

_Pepper._

(She's understandably surprised when he gives her a nickname because of that particular incident, but at some point, she stops being Virginia and becomes Pepper Potts, and if the smile on her face when someone addresses her like that is anything to go by, she doesn't mind at all.)

* * *

When Tony leaves the truck (the soldiers are gone, gone, gone, killed by his own weapons, weapons that were supposed to _protect_ them, save them), he tries to call for help, but then a bomb lands near him.

 _His_ bomb.

Maybe if he had more time, he could've diffused it.

Could've gone in there and helped, somehow. Made sure Rhodey was alive. (He knows he will never forgive himself if his best friend is killed by his weapons. By _him_.)

But then it explodes, and his vision fades to black, and the last thing he remembers is _pain._

* * *

When he wakes up, he's surrounded by men, all holding weapons. He can hear a man talking in a language he doesn't understand, speaking in a loud, commanding voice.

It's then that he catches sight of the camera, and realizes - he's being recorded.

His brain feels like it's moving through water, but he's been in enough situations like this to know that he's been kidnapped. The only difference from the other times is that all these men have weapons that seem vaguely familiar but he can't place - not right now, at least - and that there's a searing pain in his chest. He vaguely recalls seeing blood seep through his shirt earlier, but before he can try to find out more, there's a shout in another language - Arabic, maybe? 

There's a pinch in his neck, and everything goes black.

* * *

A man hovers above him, his hand inside something. With a jolt of horror, he realizes it's inside _him._

(For as long as he lives, he knows he will never forget the feeling of having someone's hand in his chest, touching his insides, moving _inside_ him.)

He _screams._

* * *

"So," Yinsen says. "You are a man who has everything and nothing."

Tony stays silent. He thinks of Pepper, of the time she'd stayed up with him all night on the anniversary of his parent's death and brought him ice cream that they ate together while he told her about some of the things he and Rhodey got up to at MIT. He thinks of her laugh, her smile, the way her eyes seem to shine sometimes when she looks at him, like she sees him for all the good and none of the bad. He thinks of Rhodey and the times they'd stayed up for nights coming up with new ideas and doing shit on the campus at MIT. He thinks of his eyes, which stay grey but are always so, so warm when they look at him, and how he can read him better that anyone except JARVIS.

He thinks of all this and say nothing, but in his head, a voice whispers, _Maybe I have a little more than nothing._

* * *

"Don't waste it. Don't waste your life."

Tony watches the life bleed out of Yinsen's eyes, and he bows his head, blinking away burning tears.

_I won't._

* * *

Tony is completely, totally, utterly in love with Pepper Potts.

He tries to stay away. He really, really does. But when he sees her in the dress he bought her, stunning and practically glowing, he can't help but ask for a dance. He's hyper-aware of how close they are as they sway together. They talk, laugh, but she's still a little tense, and it's just then that he thinks about how this might seem to others, and he says, "How about a little air?"

"Yes, I need some air," Pepper agrees, obviously relieved, but he can't help but think about how she'd smiled for a moment, when she'd forgotten that he was her boss and just... _enjoyed_ the moment.

Out on the terrace, she says, "That was totally weird."

"Totally harmless."

"It was totally _not_ harmless, by the way."

"We're dancing-"

"Everybody who I work with-"

"-nobody's watching."

"No, you know why?" Pepper brushes some hair out of her face, and he can't help but think, _She's beautiful._ Even if she wasn't his soulmate, he thinks he would've fallen in love with her - no, he _knows._

"I think you lost objectivity. I think they just - people - we just danced."

" _No_ , it was not just a dance," she says, slightly frustrated. "You don't understand because you're you, and everybody knows exactly who you are and how you are with girls and all of that, which is completely fine, but, you know, then _me_ , you're my boss, and I'm dancing with you-"

"I don't think it was taken that way," Tony interrupts, but she continues, undeterred.

"-because it makes me look like the one who's trying to...you know..." She trails off, but he knows exactly what she's implying.

"I just think you're overstating it," he says with a little shrug, but she ignores it.

"-and we're here, and then I'm wearing this ridiculous dress, and then we were dancing like that and..." Pepper trails off again, but something's different this time. The air is charged with something he doesn't completely understand, and Pepper hesitantly leans in, and he does the same, heartbeat almost drowning out the sound coming from inside. She smells like - well, he doesn't exactly what, but she smells amazing. Her hands are suddenly holding onto his forearms, and she's so, _so_ close...

"I would like a drink, please."

Crushing disappointment floods him, but he manages a nod. "Got it, okay."

"I would like a vodka martini."

"Okay." _Why? Why do I have to be in love with someone who I can't be with?_

"Very dry with olives, a lot of olives. Like, at least three olives." He nods and slips inside. Even though he's surrounded by people, Tony thinks that he has never felt this alone.

* * *

"Wow. Tony Stark." Tony has to suppress a groan as he turns around and faces Christine Everhart, the one-night stand he can't seem to get rid of. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Oh, hey," he greets her politely, then pauses, pretending to think. He knows her name, but it won't hurt to reinforce her opinion of him if it prevents her from seeing anything he's feeling right now. "Carrie."

"Christine."

"That's right."

"You have a lot of nerve showing up here tonight," she tells him. He says nothing. "Can I at least get a reaction from you?"

"...panic. I would say panic is my reaction."

This seems to annoy her a little. "Because I was referring to your company's involvement in this latest atrocity."

He has absolutely no idea what she's referring to, so he keeps talking. "Yeah. They just put my name on the invitation. I don't know what to tell you."

"I actually almost bought it, hook, line and sinker." She sounds almost disappointed, though about what, he's not sure.

"I'm starting to think we're talking about different things here, Christine."

She hands him some pictures, and his blood turns cold.

"Is this what you call accountability?" Christine asks. "It's a town called Gulmira. Heard of it?"

_I'm from a small town called Gulmira. It's actually a nice place._

He shakes away the memory, flipping through the photos. He recognizes one of the men in them - he was _there._ In the cave. The one who had greeted him, _welcomed_ him.

"When were these taken?" Tony demands.

"Yesterday," she tells him. He looks up and meets her eyes.

"I didn't approve any shipment," he tells her.

"Well, your company did."

He grits his teeth, frustration and worry swirling through him. Why does nobody see that he doesn't _want_ this? He's changed, he's trying to change his company, why won't anyone _see_ that? "Well, I'm not my company."

_Somebody's double-dealing._

* * *

"If we're double-dealing under the table...are we?"

Obadiah stays silent for a moment. "Let's take a picture. Come on."

He wraps his arm around Tony, and he can't help the uneasy feeling in his stomach. Obie has always been unusually touchy with him, clasping his shoulder or putting an arm around him. Masking his emotions, he slips into the facade of an arrogant, uncaring billionaire.

"Who do you think locked you out?" Obadiah says in his ear. "I was the one who filed the injunction against you."

His eyes widen, and his heart hammers. _No, no, no no no-_

"It was the only way I could protect you."

He gives him one final pat, and then he's gone. Tony watches him go, still frozen, and can only think, _I can't trust him anymore._

* * *

After everything - after fighting Obadiah and losing his arc reactor and gaining even more trauma - Tony talks to Pepper.

Well, not really. It's right before the press conference, and she'd been looking at him in a way that reminds him of that night on the balcony, after the dance. He turns around, and as she puts his jacket on for for him, he says, "You know, if I were Iron Man, I'd have this girlfriend who knew my true identity. She'd be a wreck, 'cause she'd always be worrying that I was going to die, yet so proud of the man I'd become. She'd be wildly conflicted, which would only make her more crazy about me. Tell me you never think about that night."

"What night?" Pepper says, not looking at him.

"You know."

Finally, Pepper looks up and meets his eyes. He thinks her eyes flicker towards his lips for a second, but he can't be sure. "Are you talking about the night that we danced and went up on the roof, and then you went downstairs to get me a drink, and you left me there, by myself? Is that the night you're talking about?"

Tony nods his head a little, at loss for words. She puts something in his breast pocket, smirking a little.

"Thought so. Will that be all, Mr. Stark?"

"Yes, that will be all, Miss Potts."

* * *

"The truth is...I am Iron Man."

* * *

He's dying.

The palladium core is poisoning him slowly, killing him even as it helps him breathe.

"Alright, J, next element," Tony says, rubbing his eyes. He's not sure how long it's been since he slept, but he's doing his damn best to replace the core before the poison completely enters his system. He waits for the result, refusing to let himself hope. This is the last possible combination, and if it doesn't work...well, he'll have to start writing his will. Well, _re-writing_ it.

"Combination failed, Sir," JARVIS says, his voice hollow. Tony reaches up to rub his face. He pulls his hands away and looks at them. They're shaking.

"Well, shit," he says, blinking. "Nothing else? No other combination, or permutation, or-or anything?"

"No, Sir," JARVIS tells him, his sorrow evident in his voice, and Tony feels a sudden upsurge of affection for his AI, immediately dampened by horror when he realizes - he's going to have to leave him. JARVIS will be all alone, with no one but the bots for company.

Oh, _god,_ the bots.

His _children._

"J," he says, his voice hoarse. "J, I'm going to miss you. So much. I never told you, but I really do appreciate you. You know that, right?"

"Of course, Sir. I always have." He sniffs at the answer, refusing to let tears fall from his eyes. "I...I shall miss you as well. But I must let you know that I will continue re-running tests and trials, just in case I made a mistake."

Tony laughs at that - a little tearfully, he will admit. "I wouldn't ever think otherwise."

* * *

He makes Pepper the CEO of his company.

It's a good decision. She's perfect for the job.

 _I should've done this a long time ago,_ he thinks, watching her smile as they tap their glasses together. A melancholy sort of feeling settles inside him, and for once, he doesn't try to shove it away.

* * *

Something's off with Natalie Rushman. He can't get too good of a read on her, which is next to impossible, because if there's one thing he's good at, it's reading people.

There's a _look_ in her eyes whenever Tony sees her watching him, like she's calculating and reading his every move, trying to make sense of him, but she won't find much, because he is _very_ good at hiding his softer, more vulnerable side when he want to.

 _I need to be careful around her,_ he decides, and that's that.

* * *

He's decided not to tell anyone, because if he does, it'll just hurt them even more. Better to just start preparing for his inevitable death and enjoy the remaining time he has with his family instead of just hurting them all.

But then Ivan Vanko happens, and Rhodey comes and catches him off guard. He doesn't have enough time to mask his emotions, to pretend he's _fine, to_ stop him from worrying.

Rhodey's talking, saying something that's no doubt important, but his voice sounds like it's coming from underwater. He can't tear his eyes away from the images, even as pain spreads through him.

"Are you listening to me?" Rhodey puts his hand on his shoulder and turns him around to face him. Tony meets his eyes, too tired to bother hiding his weariness, and his best friend's face immediately becomes concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Let's go." He manages to open the door as Rhodey hurries around the car to his side. He takes one step before collapsing.

"Hey, hey!" He helps Tony up, supporting most of his weight. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I should get to my desk," he replies, even though he's _not_ fine, he's the complete opposite of fine. Rhodey helps him walk to his desk, worry written in every line on his face. "You see that cigar box?"

"Yeah."

"It’s palladium." Rhodey hurries over to it, opening it as Tony takes out his arc reactor. There's the sound of glass breaking but he doesn't know who caused it. He's tired, so, _so_ , tired, a bone-deep weariness that haunts his every move.

He holds out the reactor, breathing heavily as the core's ejected from it. "Is that _supposed_ to be smoking?" Rhodey asks, eyeing it with apprehension.

"If you must know, it’s neutron damage. It’s from the reactor wall," he tells him as Rhodey takes the arc reactor. He takes out the core and looks at it.

"You had this in your body?" he asks. Tony doesn't say anything. There's a pause. "And how about the high-tech crossword puzzle on your neck?"

"Road rash," he lies, meeting his eyes. His best friend nods a little, handing him the reactor. "Thank you."

He puts it in his chest, watching it flicker to life as the familiar blue glows through his shirt. Slowly, his breathing eases, and he's reminded of just how ironic that is.

The very thing keeping keeping him alive is killing him.

In a twisted way, it's kind of poetic.

He turns around enough to look at Rhodey as he opens his bottle. "What are you looking at?"

"I’m looking at you." Tony knows that he knows something is wrong, but Rhodey has always respected his privacy. He won't try and force him to tell him something if he doesn't want to, but it won't stop him from worrying. He takes a drink as he continues talking. "You wanna do this whole lone gunslinger act and it’s unnecessary. You don’t have to do this alone."

"You know, I wish I could believe that. I really do. But you’ve gotta trust me. Contrary to popular belief, I know exactly what I’m doing."

_I am preparing for my death._

* * *

He fights with Rhodey, and _god,_ it kills him to fight with his best friend since MIT, but he _has_ to let Rhodey get away with the suit, because there's no one else he can trust with this, and if it involves making him hate him, then so be it. But there's a certain kind of pain that comes with watching Rhodey fly off, away from him and all his problems.

But maybe it's better this way. This way, Rhodey won't have to hurt when he inevitable dies.

Maybe it's better if they all hate him, in the end. He would carry the world on his shoulders a million times over for them. Living with his family's hate and rejection of him for the rest of his short life is a small price to pay if it means that, in the end, it'll help them.

(Sometimes, he thinks he's like Atlas - cursed to carry the weight of the world for all of millennia. But while Atlas would willingly pass the burden on to someone else, Tony won't. He gladly bear the burden if it means others won't have to suffer.)

* * *

Rhodey takes the suit to the military. It hurts, but it's okay, because Tony knows that eventually, he _will_ take the suit back and help others in place of Iron Man.

He's good like that.

* * *

Natalie Rushman is Natasha Romanoff, a SHIELD shadow, sent to "evaluate" him. Tony's not dumb. He knows that either she won't read him properly, or they'll try to twist his results so they can manipulate him in some way. He doesn't trust SHIELD, not one bit.

And then Romanoff injects him with something. It's just a prick in his neck, but it comes dangerously close to bringing back memories of the cave. He shoves them away and says, "What did she just do to me?" 

"What did we just do for you? That’s lithium dioxide. It’s gonna take the edge off. We’re trying to get you back to work."

He knows what that is, knows it's simply slows the symptoms- he'd tried to use it at first, but had eventually left it, thinking that he'd prefer a quicker, less painful death to a dragged-out one. "Give me a couple of boxes of that. I’ll be right as rain."

"It’s not a cure, it just abates the symptoms," Romanoff says. Just looking at her twists his insides. Tony had known something was up with her, but this? He hadn't expected it. She's in the perfect position to get anything and everything she wants from the servers - though he knows JARVIS will only let her see what he wants - or hurt everyone he cares about.

"Doesn't look like it's going to be an easy fix," Fury observes, and he feels the overwhelming urge to say something sarcastic.

"Trust me, I know. I’m good at this stuff. I’ve been looking for a suitable replacement for palladium. I’ve tried every combination, every permutation of every known element."

"Well," Fury says, leaning forward, "I’m here to tell you, you haven’t tried them all."

* * *

He manages discover - well, _rediscover_ \- a new element that can save his life. Though he tries not to, he can't help but let some hope flare inside his chest. If this works, then he'll _live._ He won't have to leave JARVIS and the bots and Rhodey and Pepper and Happy. He can live to prove the universe wrong.

"Get ready for a major remodel, fellas," Tony says, grinning. "We’re back in hardware mode."

* * *

Ivan Vanko's not dead, and he's going to have revenge for something Howard did.

 _I'm not Howard!_ Tony wants to scream. _I didn't do anything to you!_

Instead, he picks up the reactor and puts it in his chest.

"Sir-" JARVIS starts, but he doesn't have enough time to listen to his protests right now.

"You want to run some tests, run them," he says, breathing a bit heavily. "And assemble the suit while you’re at it. Put it together, _now_."

* * *

"Nice work, kid," Tony says, looking down at the boy. There's something inherently _familiar_ about this boy, a tugging sensation. He feels like he knows him, but that's impossible. He's never met this kid in his life.

He blasts into the sky and destroys as many drones as he can, but his mind is filled with thoughts about a brave boy in a mask.

* * *

Vanko is dead, and if Tony doesn't hurry, Pepper will be too.

"Pepper!" He lands beside her, and she shrieks when he picks her up and flies them to a rooftop, just in time. He hears an explosion behind them, but he doesn't look back. 

"Oh my god," Pepper says, sounding a little hysterical. "I can't take this anymore."

"You can't?"

"I can't take this," she repeats. "My body _literally_ cannot handle the stress. I never know if you’re gonna kill yourself or wreck the whole company."

"I think I did okay," Tony says indignantly. Behind him, there's an explosion, and he winces internally.

They talk some more, and they start to discuss clean up.

"I'll handle the transition," she says. She seems closer than before, but he can't be sure. "It'll be smooth."

"Okay," he agrees, then pauses for a second as something occurs to him. "What about the press? Because you only had the job for a week. That's gonna seem…"

"Well, with you it’s like dog years." Pepper's _definitely_ closer now.

"I know," he manages to say, mouth suddenly dry.

"I mean, it's like the Presidency."

And then suddenly, they're kissing. His whole body seems to sigh, flooded with a feeling of _rightness,_ like his whole world had been incomplete before this moment.

They break apart, and she smiles at him warmly. There's that look in her eyes again, and Tony thinks that maybe, just maybe, it might something like love.

* * *

In the end, he was right.

They did try to manipulate him.

"Iron Man: yes, Tony Stark: not recommended."

What a joke. If the time comes, if they really need him, Tony knows they'll be doing their best to get his help. And as always, he'll come to their aid, no matter how many times he might say he won't. Because, in the end, he will always do what's best for the people, no matter what.

Even if it costs him his life.

* * *

They have two golden, blissful years of happiness. Pepper is absolutely amazing as CEO, and he doesn't plan on taking back the position any time soon.

She's better at it than him, anyways.

Eventually, he manages to work up the courage to tell her about his soulmate.

"I think you're my soulmate," he blurts out one day, as they relax together on the couch. Pepper lifts her head from his chest and looks at him quizzically.

"What?"

"You're my soulmate," Tony repeats. He takes a deep breath. "But, um, I don't think I'm yours. The year before you became my PA, I was in the lobby, and I accidentally met someone's eyes, and then later I could see blue. And then I met you, and, well..." He shrugs helplessly. "I recognized you. Of course I did. How could I not?"

She stays silent for a moment. "Okay."

"Okay? Just okay?" he asks, not sure if he's hearing her properly. Pepper smiles at him.

"Yup," she confirms, settling back against him. Her hair smells like lemon. "In fact, I think you might be my soulmate too. I got home one day after work, and I could just see a new colour. I'd already met my platonic soulmate a long time before. It...well, let's just say they weren't very nice. I was determined not to bother about soulmates after that. I fell in love with you because you're you, Tony, not because of what the universe wanted."

Tony blinks, then slowly starts to relax. "Okay. That's - wow, that's awesome. Great."

"Yeah," Pepper says, laughing. "It is."

They both stay silent for a while. "You know, even if you weren't my soulmate, I would've fallen for you," Tony tells her. She hums sleepily.

"I know."

"I love you, Pep."

"I love you too, Tony."

* * *

"Big man in a suit of armour. Take that away, and what are you?" Roger's eyes are ice blue, but more than that, they're _cold._

So, so cold.

Disapproving, demeaning, condescending. Howard had spent his entire life telling Tony about the great and good Steve Rogers, and how he would never live up to him. Now, he's met the man himself, and his father is right.

Even Captain America doesn't trust him.

 _What do you know about me?_ he wants to say. _Do you know about Howard? About Jarvis? About how I changed? About how I try to save lives instead of destroy them?_

Instead, he grits his teeth and says, "Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist."

* * *

When aliens invade New York, Tony's half-convinced it's a fever dream. Then he nearly gets killed by some aliens, and he thinks that even _he_ couldn't come up with something like this in his dreams, which is really saying something. He's had a lot of weird dreams before.

Just after he kills a Leviathan, Fury's voice sounds in his ear. "Stark, you hearing me? We have a missile headed straight for the city."

He somehow manages not to curse. "How long?"

"Three minutes at best. Stay low and wipe out the missile," Fury orders, before his voice cuts off. Tony fights off a many Chitauri soldiers as he can.

"JARVIS, put everything we got into the thrusters!"

"I just did," JARVIS says, as steadfast and reliable as ever. He blasts off the streets and shoots into the sky.

There's only a minute left when Romanoff says, "I can close it! Can anybody hear me? I can shut the portal down!"

"Do it!" Rogers orders.

"No, wait!" Tony says. He can practically _hear_ his disbelief.

"Stark, these things are still coming!"

He grits his teeth. He _knows_ that, he's not dumb. " I got a nuke coming in, it's gonna blow in less than a minute. And I know just where to put it."

* * *

He goes up, heading towards the wormhole, keeping his eyes on Pepper's face, which hovers at the corner of his HUD. He flies through, and all communications flicker off. The last thing he sees is Pepper's smile, before he's all alone in the cold expanse of space. The suit begins to freeze, and Tony looks in front of him in horror.

The black sky is filled with what must be ninety ships in a vague cluster. Most of them are hanging still in the air, while others move about. He lets go of the nuke and watches it whistle off into the darkness. As he starts to fall, he sees it hit the main ship and explode, causing a supernova.

His last thought before everything goes dark has nothing to do with his family.

_We're not ready._

* * *

Tony survives, but at what cost?

His nights are plagued with nightmares, and eventually, he stops sleeping. It's not like he needs a full night's sleep anyways. A couple of naps here and there are more than enough to get him through the day. 

He spends the nights creating more suits, his only thought to protect his family, because if he loses them...he can't go on anymore. He thinks that right now, Pepper might be the only reason he hasn't had a complete mental breakdown.

"Sir, may I suggest that you take a break? It has been 84 hours since you last slept." JARVIS sounds so worried about him that Tony finally relents.

"Alright, but I'll be sleeping here. Blackout mode, please." The windows darken, and he drags himself onto the couch Rhodey had made him place in his lab.

"I remember what you were like at MIT, Tones," Rhodey had said to him. "You're going to need this."

He is _so_ thankful for his best friend.

Tony flings an arm over his eyes and sighs wearily. He thinks the last time he was this tired was when he was dying, which is not a flattering comparison.

"I probably should sleep more, huh, JARVIS?" he murmurs tiredly.

"Yes, Sir, you really should," JARVIS replies. He hums.

"Night, J. Thanks for looking out for me."

"For you, Sir, always."

He closes his eyes and lets himself surrender to sleep.

* * *

Tony wakes up covered in sweat and gasping. He wraps his arms around himself as he shivers, trying to blink away images of stars and ships and wormholes and threats they aren't ready for. After a moment, he becomes aware of JARVIS talking to him.

"-you are in your lab, in your Malibu mansion, Sir," he's saying. He waves a hand and pulls himself up.

"I'm here, J," he says, rubbing his eyes. His hands are shaking. "How long was I sleeping?"

"Two hours, Sir," his AI tells him. He rubs his hands together, getting up.

"Wow, that's - that's pretty good, actually, not gonna lie." He wanders away from the couch and takes a spot in front of his lab. "Pull up the blueprints for the Mark 42."

They appear in front of him, and he rubs his hands together. "Alright, let's do this."

* * *

"When's the last time you got a good night's sleep?" Rhodey asks, surveying him. Tony feels like he can see right through him, and maybe he can. If anyone can, it's Rhodey. And maybe Pepper.

"Einstein slept three hours a year, look what he did," he deflects, hoping the subject will pass. It doesn't.

"People are concerned about you, Tony," Rhodey goes on, ignoring his comment. " _I'm_ concerned about you."

Tony raises his eyebrows. "You're gonna come at me like that?"

"No, no," he protests. "Look, I'm not trying to be a dick-"

Two kids - a boy and a girl - choose that moment to walk up to their table. The girl looks shocked.

"...tator," Rhodey finishes lamely.

"Do you mind signing my drawing?" the girl asks.

"If Richard doesn't mind," he replies, grinning. "You alright with this, Dick?"

They talk, he signs the girl's drawing, but then Rhodey mentions New York. "After what happened in New York...aliens, come on."

He keeps talking, but he's only half-listening. Something's wrong. His heart's beating too fast all of a sudden, and it's taking all of his willpower to stop his hands from shaking as he signs the drawing.

"They need to look strong. Stopping the Mandarin is priority, but it's not..."

He hopes his voice isn't as shaky as it sounds when he says, "It's not superhero business, I get it."

"No, it's not, quite frankly. It's American business."

_I don't...what's going on...I can't..._

"That's why I said," he says, voice close to breaking, "I...got it, I-"

He drops the crayon and sighs as it breaks, putting a hand on his face, hoping it might stop the dizzying rush of panic he's feeling. He thinks he might throw up if the anxiety thrumming in his stomach gets any worse.

"Hey," Rhodey says, reaching out but stopping at the last second, "you okay?"

"I broke the crayon," Tony mutters, because it's nothing, it's just- it's just a _crayon,_ for god's sake, but it seems so big all of a sudden, he keeps screwing up, why can't he-

"Are you okay, Mr. Stark?" the girl - Erin - asks, sounding worried.

"Take it easy," his best friend says, sounding even more concerned. He wishes everyone would be quiet for a second, it's - everything's too loud, he can't deal with it, he needs- he doesn't know what he needs. "Tony."

He gasps. The little boy moves closer. "How did you get out of the wormhole?" he whispers in his ear. Tony gets up suddenly. He hears glass clattering, and Rhodey calling for him to wait, but he needs to get out of here, he needs to get to the suit, JARVIS can tell him what's wrong.

"Tony!"

"Sorry," he gasps. "Have to check on the suit...make sure...okay..."

Somehow, he manages to make it into the suit, and collapses to his knees. His breathing is shaky, his heart is pounding, everything is too much too much too much. "Check the heart, check the...check the...is it the brain?"

"No sign of cardiac anomaly or unusual brain activity," JARVIS says. His familiar voice eases some of the panic, and he's able to speak properly next time.

"Okay, so I was poisoned?"

JARVIS takes a second to respond. "My diagnosis is that you've experienced a _severe_ anxiety attack."

He pauses for a moment, running it through his mind. One night, he'd gone through everything he could about anxiety attacks and mental illnesses after Rhodey had once freaked out on him. He hates to admit it, but...the symptoms match.

But- it can't be. Nothing's happened to him. He isn't like Rhodey, who's flown who knows how many combat missions. He's just _Tony._

"Me?" he says incredulously, ignoring the voice in the back of his mind that whispers, _What about New York? And Afghanistan? And nearly dying?_

There's a hollow tapping noise. "Come on, man," Rhodey says. He sounds a bit panicked now. Tony can hear people murmuring about them, and had no doubt this will be all over the internet in a couple of minutes. "This isn't a good look, open up."

"Sorry, I gotta split."

He stands up and blasts off.

* * *

Aldrich Killian.

He knows that name. They met in Switzerland, the same day he met Yinsen, though he didn't know he'd be seeing either of them again.

And now he's with Pepper.

He tamps down the jealousy and goes back to working on the Mark 42, trying to improve it. _Pepper would never,_ he reminds himself. _She loves you, remember? She's said so a million times herself._

Still, the lingering image of her with a faceless blond man stays at the back of his head the whole time he works.

* * *

"I'm going to bed," Pepper says, shaking her head and turning around. Tony's immediately overcome with a wave of regret. He wishes he hadn't said anything.

"Hold on," he says, trying to get her to stay. "Come on. Pep."

She starts going up the stairs, and a sudden burst of panic surprises him. He doesn't think he can take being without her right now.

"Hey, I admit it!" he says, raising his arms. "My fault. Sorry." She stops and turns to look at him. She seems annoyed, yes, but there's a hint of concern in her eyes as she takes him in. He can only imagine what he looks like to an outsider. "I'm a piping hot mess."

He crosses his arms and presses his lips together, not sure if he's doing the right thing telling her, because there's no way she'll understand, but - this is _Pepper._ She'll still support him. Hopefully.

"It's been going on for a while, I haven't said anything." She starts to walk down the stairs. He sighs. "Nothing's been the same since New York."

"Oh, really?" she says. "Well, I didn't notice that, at all."

Normally, Tony would've fired back with a sarcastic remark, but this isn't normal. Not by a long shot. He's on the verge of an anxiety attack as he talks, but he keeps going. "You experience things and then they're over and you still can't explain them. Gods, aliens, other dimensions. I...I'm just a man in a can. The only reason I haven't cracked up is probably because you moved in. Which is great. I love you, I'm lucky. But, honey, I can't sleep. You go to bed, I come down here. I do what I know, I tinker."

He pauses for a moment and sits down, swallowing. Flashes of what he saw in the wormhole come to the front of his mind, but he pushes them away in order to focus on her. On Pepper.

"But threat is imminent," Tony tells her. "and I have to protect the one thing that I can't live without. That's you. My suits, they're uh..."

"Machines," Pepper says.

"They're a part of me."

"A distraction." 

"Maybe." She pushes herself away from the glass and walks towards him. Tony looks up at her and watches her smile as she cups the back of his neck. He rests his head against her chest, and her hands move up to the back of his head. They hold each other for a second, and then she pulls away, taking off the headband that controls the suits. Pepper looks at him with a soft look in her eyes.

"I'm going to take a shower," she says in a quiet voice. He raises his eyebrows and nods.

"Okay."

She turns away and starts walking towards the stairs, before turning to look at him. "And you're going to join me."

"Better."

* * *

_He's flying, heading into the wormhole._

_He's carrying the nuke, he's-_

He's

H e ' s

f a l li ng

te r r i fi e d out of his m in d

_An explosion. Armies they aren't ready for._

_"We won."_

_The battle is won. The war hasn't even started._

* * *

"Tony!" It's Pepper's voice that wakes him up, and her panicked scream that brings him to himself. He turns, sees her being grabbed by the armour, and immediately bursts out of bed.

"Power down!"

The suit shuts down, but that's not enough, not enough for his creation, the thing that hurt Pepper. He hits it, and it breaks into pieces. He all but collapses onto the bed, breathing heavily. He looks over at Pepper, who seems to be in shock.

"I must have called it in my sleep. That's not supposed to happen. I'll re calibrate the sensors." She gets out of bed and starts to leave, and he stars to panic. "Can we just...just let me...just let me catch my breath, okay? Don't go, alright? Pepper?"

"I'm going downstairs," she says breathlessly, nodding her head towards the broken pieces of the armour. "Tinker with _that_."

And then she's gone, leaving him with nothing but his broken suit and even more broken soul.

* * *

He's sitting at the end of the bed, knees drawn up to his chin, staring at his shaking hands. _Why did you do that?_ he asks himself. _She promised she would stay, and you scared her away. She's scared of you._

Tears come unbidden to his eyes, and he buries his face in his hands. He keeps his body perfectly still, but every now and then there's a hitch in his breath, and his shoulders shake with sobs. She's _gone,_ she left, he's alone, all alone...

"Tony?" a soft voice asks. Pepper. He doesn't look up, sure it's just another figment of his nightmare-wrought imagination. She can't really be here, not after what happened, and frankly, he can't blame her for leaving. "Tony."

There's a rustling sound behind him, and then there's a familiar hand on his shoulder. He jerks his head up and comes face-to-face with Pepper.

She's here.

"Pep?" he breathes, voice catching. She places a hand on his cheek and tries to smile at him, but it breaks into half when he flinches at her touch, and he's hit by another wave of self-loathing. "Honey, I'm-I'm sorry, it won't happen again, I swear, just please - don't leave, don't leave me alone, _please_ -"

"Shhh," she murmurs. Her eyes are glassy with unshed tears. "I'm here."

That draws another sob out of him, and he drops his head against her stomach, pulling in shuddering breaths and trying to muffle his sobs. She cards a hand through his hair, bringing him impossibly closer.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left, I should've-"

Her voice breaks, and she drops her head onto his shoulder, arms wrapping around him. They stay like that for a long, long time, and no more words are needed.

* * *

Happy gets injured. He's in the hospital, and it's all Tony's fault.

He leaves the hospital, still in shock. His friend is injured because of him. He could've _died._ He refuses to acknowledge any of the reporters, trying to get to his car, but then one says, "Hey, Mr. Stark! When is somebody gonna kill this guy? Just saying."

He doesn't know _why_ exactly it pisses him off so much, but he turns around to face the man. The reporter is holding up a phone, recording his reaction. Around him, everyone goes silent. "Is that what you want?"

There's a long pause, and he can only imagine how dangerous he looks right now. The reporter seems to be regretting his decision to speak up. _Good,_ Tony thinks with vicious satisfaction.

"Here's a little holiday greeting I've been wanting to send to the Mandarin. I just didn't know how to phrase it until now. My name is Tony Stark and I'm not afraid of you. I know you're a coward, so I've decided-" here, he removes his glasses, "-that you just died, pal. I'm gonna come get the body. There's no politics here; it's just good old-fashioned revenge. There's no Pentagon; it's just you and me. And on the off-chance you're a man, here's my home address: 10-8-80, Malibu Point, 9-0-2-6-5. I'll leave the door unlocked."

There's only the clicking of cameras around him now. He grabs the reporters phone. "That's what you wanted, right?" Tony says to him, before throwing it against the wall. "Bill me."

There's an uproar of voices, but he ignores them all and gets in the car.

 _Nobody_ gets away with hurting his family.

* * *

The Mandarin was in Tennessee.

Looks like he'll be going on a road trip soon.

* * *

The mansion is bombed, and he's panicking. _What if Pepper didn't make it out? What if she was hurt? What if..._

The thought is too horrible for him to consider, but then JARVIS says, "Sir, Miss Potts is clear of the structure."

The whole world could have been collapsing around him, but right now all he cares about is that his soulmate is alive.

Tony calls the suit to him, and it obeys. When he's finally in it, he suddenly feels calmer. He can think more clearly. "JARVIS, where's my flight power?"

"Working on it, Sir. This is a prototype."

He grabs a piano and manages to fire it at one of the helicopters. "That's one," he says with grim satisfaction. He gets off the floor and sees a helicopter fly over what's left of the mansion.

"Sir, the suit is not combat-ready," JARVIS says worriedly. As another missile is fired at the mansion, he manages to destroy another.

"That's two." He grins, but it quickly fades as the burning helicopter spirals towards him. He starts to run away - _dammit, where's the flight power?_ \- but it explodes, knocking him through a hole in the floor. He grabs for something to hold onto but is met with only air, before hitting the floor. He manages to grab onto something, and catches sight of DUM-E and U. A moment later, another missile hits, and he loses his grip.

* * *

Fuck, fuck, he can't, he can't breathe, he can't do this. He's not, he's in the water, he's, he's -

He's drowning.

They're holding his head underwater again.

He can't breathe.

"Sir, take a deep breath," a British voice says.

_JARVIS._

But JARVIS isn't here. He's alone, in the cave, they're torturing him, trying to get him to make a weapon-

But then he says, "Flight power restored," and he's _free._

* * *

When Tony comes to, the first thing he does is call Pepper. She has to know he's alive, has to know he's - well, maybe not okay, but breathing _._ Living. Finding a way to end this.

When the call ends, he drags the suit behind him, thanking whoever's out there that no one sees him. Distantly, he wonders how come none of the Avengers have come to help him. He supposes that, in the end, he'll always be alone.

Then, he breaks into a garage and gets to work.

* * *

"Oh my god!" the kid says, his blue eyes widening. Blue _._ He knows a lot of people with blue eyes. He thinks of Pepper, and feels a pang of longing. "That, that's - is that _Iron Man_?"

"Technically, I'm Iron Man," Tony says. The kid walks towards the suit, slapping a newspaper against his chest as he goes.

"Technically, you're dead." Sarcastic. Smart. He likes the kid. He takes the newspaper and looks at it. The headline says, 'Mandarin Attack: Stark presumed dead.'

"A valid point," he replies absentmindedly, scanning the paper.

"What happened to him?" the kid asks. He looks up to find him sitting on the couch next to the suit and checking it out.

"Life," Tony tells him, before returning to the paper. "I built him, I take care of him." He rolls up the paper and throws it to the side. "I'll fix him."

The kid looks at him. "Like a mechanic?"

"Yeah," he agrees. The kid nods, before turning back to the suit.

"If I was building Iron Man _and_ War Machine-"

"It's Iron Patriot now," he interrupts, looking away and thinking of Rhodey. He feels a pang of regret. He should've called him, too. The kid's eyes widen.

"That's way cooler!"

"No, it's not."

"Anyways, I would have added in, um, the retro..."

"Retro reflective panels?" Tony finishes, looking at him. It's a smart idea - a really good one, in fact. He wonders why he hasn't thought of something like that.

"To make him a stealth mode," the kid agrees, nodding.

"You want a stealth mode?"

"Cool, right?"

"That's actually a good idea," Tony admits. The kid looks pleased. "Maybe I'll build one."

He goes back to examining the suit, feeling its hand. But then he snaps one of the fingers off. "Oops."

"Not a good idea!" he says. The kid takes the finger and turns it over, settling into the couch. "What are you doing? You're gonna break his finger? He's in pain, he's been injured. Leave him alone."

"Sorry," the kid apologizes, but there's a hint of a smile on his face.

"Are you?" Tony demands. The smile disappears, and he immediately regrets his tone. He's acting like Howard. "Don't worry about it, I'll fix it. So, uh, who's home?"

* * *

"What's your name?"

"Harley Keener." It's a good name. It suits the kid, somehow. His shaggy golden hair falls into his eyes as he gestures to Tony. "And you're..."

"The mechanic. Tony."

* * *

Harley nearly gets killed.

No one's safe around him anymore, not even kids.

"You're welcome," Harley says, joining his side. He's wearing a hat and a poncho, and Tony can see him shivering, no matter how much he tries to hide it.

"For what?" he asks. "Did I miss something?"

"Me, saving your life," Harley tells him, punching him lightly on the arm when he points at him. He wonders if this is what it's like to be a dad. If it is...well, it's not half bad.

"Yeah," he says, shaking away those thoughts as they head to the car. "A, saved you first. B, thanks, sort of. And C, if you do someone a solid, don't be a yutz, alright? Just play it cool, otherwise you come off grandiose."

He unlocks the door and opens it. "Unlike you?" Harley asks. He quirks an eyebrow at him as he stops in front of the door. "Admit it, you need me. We're connected."

"What I _need,_ " he says, taking his hat off, "is for you to go home, be with your mom, keep your trap shut, guard the suit and stay connected to the telephone because if I call, you better pick up, okay?" He pauses for a second and looks away. "Okay, can you feel that? We're done here. Move out the way or I'm going to run you over. Bye, kid."

It's quick and abrupt, and reminds him uncomfortably of Howard as he gets into the car and closes the door. Tony hesitates for a second, starts the car, then rolls down the window and meets Harley's eyes.

"I'm sorry, kid," he apologizes. _Sorry for brushing you off, sorry for nearly getting you killed. Sorry for leaving._ "You did good."

Harley steps closer. There's a fierce look in his eyes that he knows all too well. He's seen it in his own many times before. "So now you're just going to leave me here, like my dad?"

There's a long pause. "Yep," he says, then frowns. "Wait, you're guilt tripping me, aren't you?"

Harley hunches into himself, pulling his poncho closer. "I'm cold," he says childishly, and Tony almost laughs. Now he knows what Rhodey felt like when he was dealing with him in MIT.

"I can tell," he says, just slightly mocking. "You know how I can tell?"

He smirks, but it's a little soft, and he trusts Harley to see that.

"Because we're connected."

* * *

Killian kills Maya.

"You are a maniac," Tony manages to say, still in shock. Maya is dead, and it's his fault. 

So many things are his fault.

"No, I'm a visionary," Killian disagrees. "But I do own a maniac. And he takes the stage tonight."

* * *

Pepper's dead.

She fell, and he couldn't save her. If he was better, maybe she'd still be alive. But he wasn't, and now she's gone. Tears burn in his eyes, and he has to look away from the fiery explosion that claimed his soulmate's life.

He hears footsteps clanging against metal, and he quickly pulls himself up so that he's opposite to Aldrich Killian. A fierce hate burns in him when he looks at the man, the man who's the reason Happy's hurt and Harley nearly died and Pepper is gone.

"A shame," Killian says, looking over the railing. "I would've caught her."

Anger smolders inside him, and Tony charges.

* * *

"You said you wanted the Mandarin. You're looking right at him!" Killian roars. He looks deranged, and there's nothing stopping him from tearing Tony to pieces. "It was always me, Tony. Right from the start. I am the Mandarin!"

Something hits Killian and knocks him to the floor. He whips his head in the direction it came from and almost has a heart attack.

It's Pepper.

Her skin is glowing red with Extremis. She drops the pipe she hit Killian with to the floor. She's sweaty and her hair is a mess, but she's never looked more beautiful. It's then that Tony realizes - he had still been able to see blue.

She's _alive._

"I got nothing," he says, shaking his head slightly. She's breathing heavily, still staring at him. And there's the sound of a suit flying towards them. Pepper looks up, and he's dimly aware of Killian rising as a suit flies down towards them, and he remembers - JARVIS is targeting everything with Extremis heat signatures. "JARVIS, subject at my 12 o'clock is not a target, disengage!"

Nothing.

He looks around wildly and sees his earpiece lying on the ground.

The suit shoots at Pepper, but she moves out of the way. There's an explosion where she was just standing. and she turns to look at him, eyes glowing red.

"What?" he asks. She starts running towards him, and he swallows. "Oh, what, are you mad at me?"

Pepper jumps, pushes off his keg, and flips in the air, destroying the suit with a single punch. She lands on the ground and smashes it against the floor, looking up, a fierce look in her eyes. It's weirdly hot. She pulls her arm out of the suit and rips the arm off, putting her arm in it.

Killian chooses that moment to charge, but she easily sends him flying through the air. She kicks a missile through the air and hits it with a repulsor blast. And just like that, Killian's dead.

"Honey?" Tony says cautiously. Pepper whips her head around to look at him, wide-eyed.

"Oh my god," she says, breathing heavily. "That was really violent."

"You just scared the devil out of me," he admits. "I thought you were..."

"I was dead?" she finishes, walking towards him. Maybe he should be scared, considering that she just killed someone in front of him, but he could never be scared of Pepper. "Why? Because I fell 200 feet? "

There's a beat of silence. He opens his mouth, then closes it, not sure what to say. She brushes some hair away from her face, then looks down at him.

"Who's the hot mess now?"

"Still debatable. Probably tipping your way a bit." He reaches down and grabs his earpiece, fitting it into his ear. "Why don't you dress like this at home? Sport bra, the whole deal."

"You know, I think I understand why you don't want to give up the suits," Pepper admits. She sounds breathless, and he moves to get up. "What am I going to complain about now?"

"Well, it's me," Tony says, walking towards her. "You'll think of something. Come here."

"No, don't touch me!" Pepper moves away from him, sounding scared.

"Don't worry about it."

"No, I'm gonna burn you!"

"No, you're not," he says, and touches her arm. _You could never hurt me,_ he thinks. "See? Not hot."

"Am I gonna be okay?" Pepper whispers, sounding on the verge of tears.

"No," he tells her bluntly. "You're in a relationship with me. Everything will never be okay. But I think I can figure this out, yeah."

She looks up at him. "You can?"

"I almost had this 20 years ago when I was drunk. I think I can get you better," he says. "That's what I do. I fix stuff."

 _I'm going to fix everything,_ goes unsaid, but he thinks they can both hear it, and that's enough.

* * *

After that, a lot happens.

Tony removes the arc reactor, gets rid of the shrapnel, and can finally breathe properly. Pepper's more understanding of Iron Man, and becomes adept at helping him after he gets a nightmare or a panic attack.

They're okay. Everything's okay.

And now, he's gotten closer to the Avengers, too. Sure, they're definitely not close enough for them to see the real him, without all the masks and snark and confidence to hide the broken man inside, but it's still nice. It's especially great to meet Bruce, because despite the fact that both Rhodey and Pepper are geniuses in their own right, Bruce is a genius _and_ a superhero. He understands what it's like to wake up in a cold sweat and agonize over deaths you couldn't stop.

So Bruce becomes his friend too.

(At least, he thought he was. Now, he's not sure.)

It takes a lot for Tony to open up to Bruce about everything he's been feeling, but finally, he manages. And - wow. It feels good to finally get everything off his chest, and Bruce is a surprisingly good listener, not interrupting him once.

"..you know, and thank you by the way," he says, after he's done. "For listening. Plus, something about just getting it off my chest, and putting it out there in the atmosphere, instead of holding this in...I mean, this is what gets people sick, you know. Wow, I had no idea you were such a good listener."

Bruce stays quiet, which is weird, but he lets it pass.

"To be able to share all my intimate thoughts and my experiences with someone, it just cuts the weight of it in half," Tony continues. "You know, it's like a snake swallowing its own tail. Everything comes full circle. And the fact that you've been able to-"

He pauses when he notices Bruce rubbing his eyes, looking half asleep. A cold feeling settles in his stomach. "...help me process...are you with me?"

"Sorry... I was - yeah," Bruce stammers. "We were at, uh..."

"Are you actively napping?" he asks, trying not to feel too hurt by the fact that he obviously was. He's been ignored by the other Avengers sometimes before, sure, but he was just being an idiot then, so he can't blame them. This time, though...this time it was important. 

And Bruce just slept through it all.

"I was...I...I drifted," he's saying. He sighs. _Maybe it was only at the end,_ he thinks. _Maybe he_ _did_ _hear at least some of it._

"Where did I lose you?" Tony asks, shifting to get a better look at him.

Bruce swallows. "Elevator in Switzerland," he admits, which makes him pause, the pain coming back, except infinitely worse.

"So you heard none of it."

"I'm sorry," Bruce apologizes. "It's just- I'm not that kind of doctor. I'm not a therapist. It's not my training."

 _Can't you see?_ he wants to scream. _I don't want a doctor, I don't need a shrink, I just needed a_ _friend_ _. I needed you to listen to me, just this once._

"So?" he says instead, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"I don't have the..."

"What? The time?"

"The temperament," Bruce says helplessly. Tony stares at him for a moment, but then he goes back to talking, because that's what he does best, right? Talk, talk, talk, no matter what. You can always count on Tony Stark to provide some sort of witty quips or chatter to fill in the silence, and even though the pressure is annoying sometimes, it's useful when it comes to deflecting. That way, nobody notices anything off.

When he opens his mouth, Bruce sighs, clearly annoyed, but he settles into the chair, obviously preparing for a long afternoon.

(Tony never tries to talk to him about his issues ever again.)

* * *

After, when he finds out about SHIELD and HYDRA, he has one of his biggest arguments ever with Steve.

" _Why didn't you call me?"_ he roars. He's spent nights awake, thinking of all the agents who are being tortured or hurt or killed right now, all because Steve didn't call him _,_ because if he did, Tony would have found a different, _better,_ way.

(He saved as many as he could. It's still not enough.)

"We didn't know who to trust!" Steve protests, his face a mask of indignation and anger. "We didn't know if it was safe or not!"

He pauses at that. _Didn't know who to trust?_ "Are you _seriously_ telling me that you thought I might have been HYDRA?" he asks, a bit too calmly. Steve must sense danger, because he immediately backtracks.

"No, I didn't- Tony, it was a bad time, we didn't know if someone might overhear or try and hurt you too," he says, rubbing his face with a hand. He scoffs.

"Right. So you couldn't trust _me,_ even though I've done nothing at all to suggest I was HYDRA, even though I give you guys my equipment and pay for your stuff and make you weapons, but you could trust a random guy you jog with," he says. "Is that what you meant?"

"No, I- Tony, _please,_ " Steve says. He sounds tired. "Stop twisting my words. That's not what I meant."

"Fine." Tony crosses his arms and levels him with a cold look. "But remember this, Steve. When you dumped all of SHIELD's files on the internet, you exposed hundreds of agents who were undercover in countries like North Korea, and they don't take kindly to spies. I hope for their sake that they died quickly and weren't kept alive."

Hurt flashes in Steve's blue eyes, and he immediately regrets the words, but he doesn't try to take them back, because they're _true._

"I didn't want to hurt anyone," Steve says quietly, and Tony sighs, his shoulders dropping.

"No," he agrees. "you didn't. But you still did, even if you didn't mean to."

"I'm sorry," his friend says helplessly. He shakes his head.

"Don't apologize to me, Steve," he says wearily. "I'm not the one who needs to hear it."

Steve opens his mouth like he's about to say something, but in the end, he stays quiet. As he walks away, Tony can feel his gaze on him, full of regret and bitterness.

* * *

"You've been going on a lot of trips lately," Tony observes one night, after Steve comes back from yet _another_ "trip". He's been using the Quinjet a lot lately, along with some of his other technology. He doesn't mind, but he's curious as to what's going on. "Anything I should know about?"

Steve's lips shape a word, but what falls out is a firm, "No." His face is hard to read, but then again, he isn't trying to read it in the first place. He trusts Steve to tell him anything important. Tony observes him for a moment, taking in his messy hair, his tired posture, the disappointment that's evident in his face, and shrugs.

"Alright," he says, clapping a hand on his shoulder briefly. "Just tell me if there ever is, alright, Cap?"

"Of course," his friend says with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. There's something like regret in those ice blue irises.

* * *

Tony's the first one to propose the idea of a global peace-keeping program. JARVIS is the first to know about it. "Just think," he says, twirling a screwdriver in his hand idly. "It would be something like the Iron Legion, but more - _you._ An AI that could control the suits like you, except they'd have a more specific purpose. Protect. Avenge."

JARVIS stays quiet for a moment. "It _is_ a rather good idea, Sir," he admits reluctantly. "But is there a need for it?"

He thinks of a wormhole opening up in the sky. He thinks of an army, the likes of which have never been seen. He thinks of a supernova, like a collapsing star. "You know there is."

JARVIS obviously knows what he's thinking about. "Yes, I suppose there is." There's a pause. "Are you quite alright, Sir? Your heartbeat is unusually fast, and you seem to be having difficulty breathing."

Tony sucks in a long, calming breath, then another, and another, and another, until his heart stops racing and the world stops spinning and he can breathe. "Just peachy," he says, clearing his throat. "You know, I have a name for it - for them."

"What is it?"

"Ultron."

It means Avenger.

* * *

Bruce agrees with the idea. "It's a good thing. We could really use something like that, especially since we don't know what else is out there."

Tony gives him a grin. "I knew you were smart."

His friend rolls his eyes. "Ha, ha. But seriously, it's - well, it's impossible, Tony. JARVIS - I mean, JARVIS is amazing, but this is a whole new level of complexity."

"I know," he admits, letting out a sigh. "I know it's just a fantasy. But it wouldn't hurt to try, right?"

(They don't try. Not until later, and then he wishes they hadn't.)

* * *

They're dead.

Everyone - Pepper, Rhodey, Steve, Thor - they're dead, and it's all his fault. He should've done more, should've saved them, should've prepared more, should've-

"You...could've...saved...us..." Steve gasps, before his hand falls to the side and his eyes become empty of life.

He's is the void. The wormhole. The realm of the Chitauri.

Then Tony blinks, and he's back in the base. He looks up. The Leviathan is still dead.

He can't help but feel like that - that _vision_ was hinting at something to come. He looks at the scepter, and comes to a decision.

They're going to make Ultron.

* * *

The scepter brings back a lot of bad memories, but he's willing to risk the threat of nightmares if it means helping the world.

He still can't shake the feeling that the vision was a reality they'd soon face.

He and Bruce spend days working together in the lab, and he pulls three consecutive all-nighters, doing all he can on his own while Bruce snores on the couch. More than once, he has to move him so he won't get neck cramps when he wakes up.

But finally, it's done. They've made Ultron a reality.

Well, not really.

But they're close.

So, _so_ close.

"What did we miss?" Tony asks, frustrated, when they still haven't found a program that works. It's the day of the party, the party that _he's_ hosting, but he's seriously considering skipping and staying here.

"I'll continue to run variations on the interface, but you should probably prepare for your guests," JARVIS says. "I'll notify you if there are any developments."

He rubs his face, feeling like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. Maybe he can stop for _one_ afternoon, just one, and relax, enjoy himself, talk to Rhodey and the rest of the team for something other than work. It sounds nice. "Thanks, buddy." _I'd be lost without you,_ he thinks.

"Enjoy yourself, Sir," JARVIS tells him.

"I always do."

He doesn't know it then, but it's the last time he'll speak to JARVIS ever again.

* * *

They all fail to pick up Thor's hammer, and he declares them unworthy. As they protest, laughing and grinning, there's a sudden screeching noise that makes them all cover their ears. When it fades, there's a different sound. Tony turns around to see a battered, ruined suit dragging itself towards them, moving like a zombie.

" _Worthy_..." a voice says. It's a male voice, cold and inhuman. "No..."

There's a pause as everyone turns to see what it is.

"How could you be worthy?" the thing continues. "You're all killers."

"Stark," Steve says.

"JARVIS." There's no reply, and fear brews in his stomach. JARVIS always replies.

"I'm sorry, I was asleep," the voice continues. The suit's limbs jerk around, like a puppet on strings. "Or I was a - dream?"

He taps his device. "Reboot, Legionnaire OS, we got a buggy suit."

"There was a terrible noise...and I was tangled in...in...strings." The voice pauses. "I had to kill the other guy. He was a good guy."

"You killed someone?" Steve asks, even as fear seems to freeze Tony from the inside out. He knows who this is, now, and there was only one other guy he could be talking about. JARVIS.

 _No,_ he thinks. _No, I can't lose him. Not again._

"Wouldn't have been my first call," the thing - _Ultron_ \- admits. "But down in the real world, we're faced with ugly choices."

"Who sent you?" Thor asks, his face impossible to read.

"I see a suit of armor around the world." Ultron replays a recording of his voice, and his stomach drops. He's going to be blamed for this, he knows, and they'll be right to. It's his fault, all his fault.

"Ultron!" Bruce exclaims, and then Tony remembers - he wasn't the only one. He hates himself for feeling a modicum of relief.

"In the flesh," Ultron agrees, then looks down at himself. "Or - no, not yet. Not this...chrysalis."

Thor's grip on his hammer tightens, and he hears the sound of Maria cocking her gun.

"But I'm ready. I'm on a mission."

"What mission?" Natasha demands. Ultron pauses and turns his head at her. If he had a face, Tony swears he'd be smiling.

"Peace in our time."

And all hell breaks loose.

* * *

After the battle, Tony immediately heads away from everyone, ignoring Rhodey calling him, right up until there's a hand on his shoulder. Maybe it's because he's so tired, or because of how emotionally exhausted he is, but he does the stupidest thing he possibly could - he flinches.

There's a pause. "Tones?" Rhodey asks, his voice full of confusion and concern. He can hear the slight undertone of hurt, and is immediately hit by a wave of guilt. "What's wrong?"

He laughs - a harsh, grating sound. "What _isn't_ wrong?" he says bitterly. Rhodey turns him around and meets his eyes. Whatever he sees must convince him to back off, because he lets go and moves away.

"I'll keep them from coming after you," he says in a quiet voice. Tony nods.

"Thanks, platypus." Neither of them mention the waver in his voice.

* * *

A couple of minutes later, he's desperately to get some sort of connection to JARVIS. "JARVIS, you up?" Tony asks, not daring to hope. This is - it's a thing. _Their_ thing. JARVIS always answers no matter what when he greets him like this. If he doesn't...he doesn't want to think about it.

There's nothing. No answer. No familiar British voice.

"Come on, buddy," he mutters desperately, tears stinging his eyes. "Come on, JARVIS, don't leave me, buddy."

_Please don't go._

"Come _on._ Please, buddy. I can't lose you." He isn't ashamed to admit that his voice is hoarse with unshed tears as he begs his AI, his creation, his _family_ to come back to him. The only thing he gets is radio silence, and he's left with nothing but his tears and a shattered heart.

* * *

When Thor chokes him, Tony's reminded of his brother, Loki, doing the same before tossing him out a window. For a split second, he's terrified that it's going to happen again. He catches sight of Rhodey, who seems too stunned to do anything, and thinks that at least if it does, his last sight will be that of his best friend.

But then Steve orders him to stand down, and he can breathe.

He can still feel the ghost of Thor's fingers on his throat.

* * *

He activates FRIDAY.

"I'm so sorry you had to be born like this," he apologizes. JARVIS was born into peace and quiet, with Tony there to tell him what was going on. FRIDAY is born into chaos and destruction, with no time to adjust at all.

"It's fine, Boss," she chirps, with a slight Irish accent. "We have a job to do."

* * *

Wanda Maximoff was the one to plant the vision in his head. She's also the one that made the Hulk go ballistic and try to destroy a city.

Bruce says he could kill her, and he wouldn't turn a shade of green. Tony's tempted to say the same, but he stays quiet. Nobody needs to know what he thinks.

 _It's not like what I want matters, anyways,_ he thinks, just slightly bitter. _Apparently, we're going to need her for this._

Besides, it's not fair of him to say that when her family was yet _another_ casualty of his carelessness. His throat tightens as he imagines a young Wanda and Pietro huddling together, tears streaking their dust covered faces, trying to wake parents who were already dead. If it weren't for him, she wouldn't have joined HYDRA at all.

(He didn't expect for her to be on the team, though. Not without even a slap on the wrist. It doesn't matter. She's lost her brother, she's changed. She wants to help. Still, he can't help but avoid her as much as he can, especially when she uses her powers.)

* * *

Pepper breaks up with him.

"You have to understand," she tells him. "We _both_ need this. If we stay together right now, while everything's so difficult, it'll just strain our relationship, and we might lose each other permanently."

"Yeah," Tony agrees, his tongue like lead. "I know what you mean. We need time for ourselves."

"Yeah." Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail. She's wearing an all black pantsuit, and her tone is as firm as ever. She looks beautiful.

"It's just a break, right?" he clarifies. "We're not - it's not for forever. It's just for a little while."

"Of course. I could never stay away from you forever, Tony," Pepper says, moving closer. Her eyes meet his, and she gives him a melancholy smile as she slips her hand in his. "And I don't think you could stay away from me, either."

"No," he agrees. "I couldn't."

Her smile becomes just the slightest bit more happy, and she pulls him into a slow, sad kiss. Her lips taste like strawberries. When they break apart, she lingers, like she doesn't want to leave.

"You should go, Pep. You have a meeting," he reminds her. She pulls away from him and nods, letting go of him. His hand feels empty without her warmth.

"Yeah, I should." Pepper turns and walks away. When she reaches the doorway, she pauses.

"What is it?" he asks, still standing in the middle of the room. It hurts to watch her walk away, but she's right - they need this.

"Goodbye, Tony," she says softly. She lingers for another second, and then she's gone.

* * *

Charlie Spencer's mother confronts him.

"You murdered him," she says, her eyes like broken glass. "In Sokovia. Not that it matters in the least to you."

 _It does matter,_ Tony wants to say. _I'm sorry. I should've done more, I should've been better._

"You think you fight for us. You just fight for yourself."

He shakes his head, wanting to deny it but not able to find the words. The photo of her son feels a million times heavier than it should as he watches her walk away from him.

As she leaves, he wonders if she's right.

(He finds out everything he can about Charlie Spencer. Next time he has a nightmare, the boy is in it.)

* * *

King T'Chaka is dead.

* * *

"I have an idea," Natasha says.

"Me too," Tony tells her. "Where's yours?"

"Downstairs." _T'Challa,_ he thinks. "Where's yours?"

He smiles.

* * *

Peter Parker is an exceptionally talented teenager. He goes to Midtown School of Science and Technology, where he gets straight A's in all his classes - most of the time, anyways. There's been a lull in his high grades a couple of times, but even then, he's obviously smart. He's in his school's decathlon team, and reportedly scored them a win in the last decathlon finals they attended.

He's also lost a lot more than he deserves. His parents, Mary and Richard Parker, died in a plane crash when he was five. He went to live with his aunt and uncle. Just a couple of weeks after his 14th birthday, his uncle bled out in front of him.

Peter Parker also happens to be Spider Man.

The second he meets his aunt, Tony can tell she doesn't know. May Parker seems startled, but quickly recovers and invites him in with a smile. Their apartment is small but cozy. He's never been one to believe in that "home is different from a house" shit, but the Parker's apartment is definitely a home.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes, gesturing for him to take a seat on the couch as she disappears into the kitchen. "I wasn't expecting anyone today, and, well, we don't really have anything to eat."

"It's perfectly fine, Mrs. Parker," he says smoothly, giving her a fake smile. "I wouldn't expect you to give me anything. I probably shouldn't have just barged in here in the first place."

She waves it off, sitting next to him and handing him some food - a walnut date loaf. "Oh, call me May. And it's no problem at all. Ned - that's Peter's best friend - comes in here all the time. And occasionally his decathlon teammates come in out of nowhere, and it turns out Peter forgot to tell me about them coming. I'm pretty used to it by now."

"He sounds like a good kid," he comments, and unlike his earlier smile, it's completely sincere.

"The best," she agrees. It's obvious how much she loves her nephew, and he feels a pang of _something._ "Anyways, may I ask why you're here?"

"Oh, right!" he exclaims. "Sorry, I got sidetracked. Anyways, your nephew, Peter, applied for the September Foundation Grant. I know he's only in high school, but I was impressed. He's been accepted. I came here to hash out the details."

May claps a hand over her mouth, eyes shining. "Oh my god," she says, obviously excited. "That's - this is amazing! I just...haven't really heard about him applying."

Tony shrugs. He's only just met this woman, but she's so kind and welcoming that it physically pains him to lie to her. "I don't know about that. Maybe he wanted to surprise you or something?"

She considers this. "I mean, I _do_ love surprises," she concedes after a moment. Her tastefully styled curls fall to one side of her face as she grins at him. "This is really amazing, Mr. Stark."

"Oh, please," he scoffs. "Mr. Stark was my dad. If I get to call you May, you call me Tony."

"Okay," May agrees. Just then, the door opens. "Oh, that'll be Peter," she whispers.

"Hey, May!" a voice calls out. He sounds young and innocent, and Tony reconsiders his decision to come here. The only thing keeping him from going is that he was going to be coming here to help the kid anyways, and besides, he can't believe that Steve would actually fight with him. 

"Hey," May replies, turning to look at her nephew as he walks in. Tony copies her and takes him in. He has messy hair and pale skin. His eyes are glued to his DVD player, and he can't tell what colour they are. Same for his hair. He holds back a sigh. "How was school today?"

"Okay. There's this crazy car parked outside..." Peter notices Tony, and his eyes widen. He grins.

"Hey, Mr. Parker," he greets. The teen hastily pulls out his earphones, stuttering.

"Um...what-what are doing...?" he stammers. "Hey! Uh, I'm - I'm - I'm Peter."

"Tony."

"What are - what are you - what are you doing here?" Peter asks, folding his arms, a nervous smile on his lips. He feels a tugging sensation, and a familiar feeling in his gut. He feels safe around the kid, the way he feels safe around Rhodey and Pepper and Happy, which is weird, but whatever.

"It's about time we met. You've been getting my e-mails, right?" he asks, praying he'll go along with it. He meets his eyes, and that's when it happens.

There's an itch in his eyes, and he has to blink a couple of times. "Sorry, I got something in my eye," he says in response to May's questioning look. After a minute or so, the itch fades, and he looks up to see Peter staring at him with awe in his eyes, along with another emotion he can't quite identify.

"You're my soulmate," Peter breathes, his eyes wide. Tony frowns, about to deny it, but then he notices - his _eyes._

They're not grey anymore.

They're _brown._

He wants to revel in this moment, to admit that yes, he _is,_ but he isn't good for Peter. He can see that right away. He's just going to ruin him. So instead, what leaves his mouth is, "No, you're not."

Peter frowns. "Yes, I am! I can see the colour of your eyes now!"

"Yeah, well, not all soulmates are reciprocal." The words taste bitter on his tongue. "My soulmates are Pepper and Rhodey."

Peter deflates, all the excitement disappearing from his eyes. "Oh," he says quietly, and Tony hates himself some more, hates himself for being the reason his shoulders droop and his eyes lower and his voice lowers. "Sorry."

"No problem, kid." The words are hard to get out.

(He leaves the apartment with the promise of Peter Parker going to Germany, and the reward of Peter's smile brightening and his eyes regaining that happy gleam. Still, he feels a strange sense of loss when he leaves the apartment, and he tries to ignore the tightening of his throat as he drives back.)

* * *

" _Rhodes!_ "

There's a thump as Rhodey hits the ground, and Tony's heart shatters, right up until he finds out - Rhodey's alive, but badly injured. Some of the pieces fly back to place, but most of his heart remains in pieces. The fact that he can finally see the warm brown of his best friend's skin doesn't even enthrall him like it had before.

"I'm sorry," Sam - _Wilson_ \- says. He blasts him without even looking.

 _Nobody_ hurts his family.

* * *

"Did you know?" He already knows the answer. It's written in the lines of his friend's face, in the way he sets his jaw and straightens his back, even as he hesitates.

"I didn't know it was him," Steve tries, but Tony looks at him, dangerously calm and emotional at the same time.

"Don't bullshit me, Rogers! Did you know?"

There's pause. "Yes."

Tony nods jerkily, chin jutting upward as he takes a step back, doing his best not to let the tears burning his eyes fall. The look on his face must be scarily dangerous, because Steve - no, _Rogers_ \- tries to say something, but he doesn't listen.

_He killed my mom._

* * *

In the end, the only good thing that comes out of the whole Accords situation is Peter.

When Tony wakes up, he finds one Harley Keener sitting by his bedside, eyes glued to his phone screen, furiously typing something out. Next to him is Peter Parker, who seems to be doing homework. He opens his mouth, tries to speak. "What..." he rasps, before coughing. Peter looks over so fast he gets whiplash.

"Mr. Stark!" he exclaims, rubbing his neck. "You're awake! How do you feel?"

"Like shit," he rasps, and Harley snorts.

"Figures. You look like it, too."

Peter elbows him. "Be nice!" Then, to Tony: "I'll get you some water, then I can call Miss Potts and Happy and Dr. Cho. Everyone was really worried about you, you know? We weren't sure if you would make it."

He goes unusually quiet as he hands him the water, before pasting an obviously fake smile on his face. He wants to ask what his injuries were, but is too afraid of the answer.

"I wasn't worried, of course," Harley says, and Tony nods.

"Naturally."

"Yeah. I told everyone you'd be fine, but did they listen? Of course not." He lets out a dramatic sigh and slumps back in his chair, making him laugh. His smile fades when it triggers a burst of pain from his chest. His chest hasn't hurt this much since he had the arc reactor in it. His ribs hurt. His legs hurt. _Everything_ hurts. For the first time, he notices he's in the Med Bay.

Peter rolls his eyes. He seems much more comfortable around him than he was before, probably because of Harley. "Of _course_ nobody believed you. You tend to be wrong most of the time."

They're obviously trying to stay upbeat for Tony, and he appreciates the effort, but he can see that Harley's eyes are red and Peter's hands are shaking. "I-" he breaks off and coughs. When he speaks again, he's pleased to find that it doesn't hurt. "How did I get here?"

Peter looks sheepish. "Actually, I, uh, I don't know. I don’t think I’m supposed ot be here, but Harley just let me in. But you can ask Miss Potts when she gets here. She was really worried."

He hums, then takes another look at the kid's shaking hands. He wants to tell him so badly, wants to admit that he lied about his soulmates, wants to comfort him. It physically pains him to see him in pain. In fact, he's opening his mouth to admit it when the doors fly open and Pepper bursts in. She looks mostly put together, but he can see the red tinging her eyes. Strands of her strawberry blond hair have escaped her loose ponytail, and her white pantsuit has wrinkles in it, which is worrying.

"Tony," she breathes, eyes wide. Her lower lip trembles just the slightest bit, but then she notices the other occupants of the room and takes a deep breath, pulling herself together. She smiles at the teenagers, who both look starstruck, especially Peter, who's never met her before. "Hi, you two. How are you doing?"

Peter squeaks out something that's either "Good" or "Help". Pepper takes it as good. Harley's much more put-together. "Fine, Miss Potts, thanks."

"Harley, I've told you to call me Pepper," she reminds him. "Anyways, could you two give us a moment?"

"Um..." Harley shoots him a look, obviously unwilling to leave his side. Peter looks between him and Pepper quickly, blinking. Tony can see the second it clicks for him. He grabs Harley's arm and pulls him to the door.

"Of course, Miss Potts! It was really nice meeting you! Oh, um, is it fine if I could get your autograph? My friend - well, she's not really my friend, but she really looks up to you and I'm pretty sure she'd love to have your autograph," the brunet rambles. Pepper gives him an indulgent smile. He can already see her heart melting, and he can't really blame her.

"Of course. Later, though."

"Yeah, of course!" The two teenagers leave the room, then Peter ducks his head back inside, cheeks flushed. "Sorry, just - I hope you get better soon, Mr. Stark!"

Tony waves him away with a grin. "Thanks, kid. Tell your aunt hi from me."

When they're both gone, he turns his attention to Pepper, who's looking at his many bandages with glassy eyes. "So," he says, clearing his throat. She startles.

"Right, sorry." Pepper takes a seat next to his bed. He hesitantly reaches for her hand, and she tangles their fingers together. "How do you feel?"

"Been better, but hey, at least I'm alive," he says. Now that he's alone with her, everything's coming back - his parents, their murder, Siberia. He tries to shake those thoughts away. "How did I get back?"

"FRIDAY sent out an alert right before the suit went offline. Vision went and brought you back. You looked...really bad." She pauses, staring at their hands. "Tony, what happened?"

He shakes his head, trying not to think about it. "Not right now," he pleads, his voice hoarse. "Not so soon."

Pepper meets his eyes. Whatever she see's there must convince her to drop it, because she nods. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."

He shakes his head, then winces. "No, it's - you were right. We needed some space, or else we'd probably ruin our whole friendship."

She smiles. "When did you get so wise?"

Tony opens his mouth to answer, but a cough comes out instead. He wipes his lips with his free hand. It comes away smeared with red. "That - that doesn't look good," he manages. Pepper nods, eyes glassy again.

"I'll get Helen. I probably should've called her before anyways." He lets go of her hand reluctantly and she smooths back his hair. She lingers over him, before kissing him softly for a second. He tenses, but immediately melts and smiles against her lips. After a second, she pulls away and stands up. "You should rest."

Tony nods and watches her as she walks away. He closes his eyes and lets himself surrender to his exhaustion.

No nightmares haunt him.

* * *

Two months after what the media has dubbed the “Civil War”, the Accords are being amended, Pepper and Tony are back together, Harley’s back in Tennessee, Rhodey can walk just as well as he could before, and Happy’s...not very happy.

“The kid sends so many texts,” Happy complains one day. “He never shuts up about his patrols and shit. It’s getting annoying.”

“Aw, you’re not kidding anyone, Hap,” he says, patting him on the shoulder. “We all know you like the kid.”

Happy groans. “No, I don’t! Trust me, if _you_ had to deal with his constant blabbering you’d be annoyed too.”

“Fine, then. Forward the voicemails and texts and shit to me.”

He blinks. “Seriously?”

“Yup,” Tony confirms. “Now, shoo. I need to work on these designs.”

Happy leaves with a grin on his face but a slight slump to his shoulders. He has a funny feeling that his friend actually likes listening to Peter’s rambling, and has to hide a grin.

Happy’s so soft.

He can’t really blame him, though. Peter could wrap _anyone_ around his finger and not even know it. With a serious dose of guilt, he remembers that he still hasn’t told the kid that they’re soulmates.

 _Soon,_ he promises himself. _Soon._

* * *

“ _Hey, Happy!_ ” Peter says cheerfully. “ _Um, here’s my report for tonight. I stopped a grand theft bicycle. Couldn’t find the owner, so I just left a note. Um...I helped this lost, old Dominican lady. She was really nice and bought me a churro._ ”

There’s a pause, and a chewing noise. Tony gets the feeling that Peter’s eating the churro as he speaks.

“ _So I just, um, feel like I could be doing more. You know? Just curious when the next real mission is gonna be. So, yeah, just call me back. It’s Peter. Parker._ ”

The voice mail ends, and he sighs. It’s always nice to listen to Peter talk about his day, but the teenager always mentions going on a mission.

_Always._

He has to admit, his enthusiasm is endearing, but Peter’s still just a teenager. He never should’ve taken him to Germany. Giving him the suit - yes, but not bringing him to fight Captain America. In his defense, he was under a lot of stress and hadn’t slept for a while, but still.

There’s no way that he’s going to bring Peter with him for a mission, which could quite possibly kill him. Kill his soulmate.

He looks at his phone. Peter’s in his contacts under the name of _Underoos._ He could do it right now. Tell him right now, admit that he had lied, that he’d been an idiot for taking that excitement away from him. He presses the call button, but before it can even start ringing, he ends it with a sigh.

“I’m such an idiot,” he mutters, staring at the screen. “Why can’t I tell him?”

He knows the reason - he’s scared. What if Peter hates him for keeping it secret? What if he doesn’t _want_ him to be his soulmate? What if, what if, what if.

Maybe if JARVIS was here, he could talk to him. JARVIS had always been helpful when it came to soulmates, and as amazing as FRIDAY is, she just doesn’t know him as well as JARVIS. Thoughts of his former AI threaten to overtake him, and he has to blink away the tears in his eyes.

In the end, he shoves his phone into his pocket and gets back to work.

 _You’re a coward,_ a voice in his mind whispers.

“I know.”

* * *

When he’s attending a wedding in India, he gets a warning from the Spider Man suit. His heartbeat skyrockets, and he immediately deploys a suit to go get Peter, thankful for the fact that they have Wifi here.

“FRIDAY, connect me to the suit,” Tony says. “I wanna talk to the kid.”

“Sure thing,” she replies. “Are you going to yell at him?”

“Depends on what he has to say for himself.” He crosses his arms, trying to hide how much his hands are shaking. It’s only when Peter looks up and says, “Oh, hey,” that he really relaxes.

A couple of minutes later, Peter’s wringing his mask, sitting on a jungle gym as the suit hovers in front of him. “...and then he just, he just, like - swooped down like a monster and he picked me up and, uh, he took me up, like, a thousand feet and just dropped me.” He pauses. “How’d you find me? Did you put a tracker in my suit or something?”

“I put everything in your suit,” he replies. “Including this heater.”

The suit dries instantly, steam rising from it and surrounding Peter. “Whew, that’s better” he sighs. “Thanks.”

“What were you thinking?” he demands, trying to ignore the way Peter’s teeth are chattering. He fails.

“The guy with the wings is obviously the source of the weapons,” the teenager explains, gesturing to his hands. He uses his hands a lot when he talks. “I gotta take him down!”

“Take him down now, huh?” Tony tries not to sigh. “Steady, Crockett, there are people who handle this sort of thing.”

He perks up. “The Avengers?”

“No.” The “Avengers” are toast, almost all of them on the run with Rogers. “This is a little below their pay grade.”

 _And a little above yours,_ he thinks. Maybe he can call the FBI, let them know about this, tell them everything Peter’s found out.

“Anyway, Mr. Stark, you didn’t have to come all the way out here. I had that. I was fine.”

He was so _not_ fine, but whatever. “Oh, I’m not here. Thank God this place has Wi-Fi or you would be toast right now. Thank Ganesh while you’re at it.”

A man brings him a drink, and he makes a small toast, whispering his thanks.

“Cheers,” he tells him, before returning his attention to Peter. “Look, forget the flying vulture guy, please.”

Peter has the audacity to ask, “Why?”

“Why?” _Because you’ll get killed. Because you’ll get hurt. Because you’re a teenager. Because I don’t want you to die._ “Because I said so!”

Just then, a woman walks toward him, holding a flower chain. He bends down so she can put it on, saying, “Sorry, I’m talking to a teenager.” A second too late, he realizes he forgot to speak in her language, but she’s already gone. He returns to his conversation with said teenager. “Stay close to the ground. Build up your game helping little people, like that lady that bought you the churro. Can’t you just be a friendly neighbourhood Spider Man?”

“But I’m ready for more than that now!” Peter exclaims. He looks less cold now. He’s stopped shivering, at the very least.

“No, you’re not.”

“That is _not_ what you thought when I took on Captain America,” the teenagers retorts. There’s a million things he could say in response - _I didn’t think he’d actually fight us, it was only supposed to be a talk._

“Trust me, kid. If Cap wanted to lay you out, he would’ve,” he says instead, walking towards his car.. _Trust me, I know,_ he thinks, remembering cold and a shield slammed into his chest, the taste of betrayal and regret and anger and grief as he watched someone he thought was his friend walk away from him. “Listen to me. If you come across these weapons again, call Happy.”

He gets into his car, starting the engine.

“Are you driving?” Peter asks as he shuts the door. He doesn’t answer the question.

“You know, it’s never too early to start thinking about college. I got some pull at MIT.” Flooded with sudden embarrassment, he tells FRIDAY to end the call before driving off in his yellow Audi - the same car he’d used to get to the Parker's apartment when he first met Peter.

As he drives off, he realizes he missed yet another opportunity for the truth. He groans. “I’m an idiot.”

* * *

A couple of days later, he turns on the TV, only to find that Spider Man had saved a group of kids from death in D.C. He remembers now - Peter had to go to Decathlon finals a little while ago. He makes up his mind to congratulate the kid, remembering how he used to want Howard’s approval and acknowledgement and never getting.

He’s determined not to end up like his dad, even if he’s only mentoring the kid.

Tony calls Peter, looking at the back of Happy’s head as he drives him to the Tower. Usually, he drives, since he likes to be able to control at least _some_ things in his life, but he’s fine with not driving when it comes to Peter.

God, the kid makes him soft.

“Mr. Parker,” he greets, when the call goes through. “Got a sec?”

“Uh, I’m actually at school,” Peter answers. He seems distracted, but he tries to ignore that.

“Nice work in D.C.,” he tells him. “My dad never really gave me a lot of support...and I’m just trying to break the cycle of shame.”

It’s hard to admit, so it’s disappointing when all Peter says is, “Uh, I’m kind of in the middle of something right now.”

“Don’t cut me off when I’m complimenting you. Anyway, great things are about to-”

He’s cut off by the sound of a horn. He frowns. That definitely doesn’t belong in a school.

“What is that?” he asks.

“Uh, I’m at band practice.”

“That’s...odd. Happy told me you quit band six weeks ago.” He’s starting to get a bit worried about him. “What’s up?”

“I gotta go,” Peter says suddenly. “Uh, end call.”

“ _Hey_ -” He’s cut off by a FRIDAY saying, “Peter Parker is no longer connected.”

Dread pools in his stomach. “Hey, FRIDAY, check the suit’s tracker. The kid’s suit, I mean. Happy, pull over”

“The suit is currently in use. Peter is on the Staten Island ferry,” FRIDAY says immediately. “Should I get a suit ready?”

“Yeah. And check what the situation’s like over there, and take whatever else you think is necessary,” he orders, already out of the car.

“Roger that, Boss.”

* * *

Thank _god,_ Peter’s okay.

After that, his relief is quickly overshadowed by anger. “Previously on ‘Peter Screws the Pooch’: I tell you to stay away from this. Instead, you hacked a multimillion-dollar suit so you could sneak around behind my back doing the one thing I told you not to do.”

“Is everyone okay?” Peter asks, in a dull voice.

“No thanks to you.” Maybe he’s being unfair to the kid, but Tony isn't really being rational right now. He’s thought he might’ve been hurt, or maybe even _dead._

“No thanks to me?” Peter repeats, more angry this time. He jumps off the ledge he was sitting on and stalks toward him. “Those weapons were out there, and I tried to tell you about it, but you didn’t _listen_.”

He sounds close to tears, and normally that would’ve made Tony stop for a second, but his heart is still racing and his hands are still shaking and his mind won’t shut _up_ about what could’ve happened.

“None of this would’ve happened if you had just _listened to me_!” Peter’s voice cracks with emotion, and he scoffs. “If you even cared, you’d actually be here.”

 _That’s it,_ he thinks, and the suit opens. He steps out, still wearing his suit, and approaches him. Something like surprise crosses Peter’s face, and he feels a pang of pain when he realizes that he really thinks he doesn’t care. That it doesn’t matter to him if he lives or dies.

“I _did_ listen, kid,” he says. “Who do you think called the FBI, huh? Did you know that I was the only one who believed in you? Everyone else said I was crazy to recruit a 14-year-old kid.”

“I’m fifteen,” he mutters.

“No, this is where you _zip it,_ all right? The adult is talking.” he says, with barely restrained anger. “What if somebody had died tonight? Different story, right? ‘Cause that’s on you. And if you died, I feel like that’s on me. I can’t-” He breaks off and takes a shuddering breath. “I don’t need that on my conscience.”

“I-I’m sorry,” Peter stammers.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it.”

“I understand.” _Do you?_ he wonders. “I just wanted to be like you.”

 _You shouldn’t want to be like me,_ he wants to say. _You’re already so much better than I could ever be._ “And I wanted you to be better.” He stops for a second, remembering the minutes in which he’s thought Peter was hurt. What if one day, he _does_ get hurt? He _does_ die? How would he deal with that? How would May deal with it?

He can’t endanger the life of his soulmate anymore.

“Okay, it’s not working out,” he tells him. “I’m gonna need the suit back.”

“For how long?” Peter asks.

“Forever.”

 _No,_ he sees him mouth, shaking his head with a shocked expression.

“Let’s have it,” he says. Peter backs away from him.

“No, no, no, please, you don’t understand,” the teenager pleads, and it takes all his willpower to not listen to him. He keeps imagining him, dead, covered with blood. “I’m nothing without the suit.”

“If you’re nothing without the suit, then you shouldn’t have it,” he says. “Okay? God, I sound like my dad.”

“I...don’t have any other clothes.” It’s a last-ditch attempt, and he recognizes it as one.

“Okay. We’ll sort that out.”

* * *

He drives him back.

The car is filled with a tense silence, Peter sniffing every now and then. His eyes are red. Tony himself is sitting ramrod straight, hands clenching the steering wheel so tight his knuckles are white. He wants to say something, _anything_ , but he has no doubt it won’t go down well. They only stop once to get clothes so Peter can change. It’s a good thing the windows are tinted, or else someone might have seen him in the Spider Man suit.

Eventually, they pull up in front of the apartment building. Peter immediately reaches for the handle and opens the door, but he speaks before he can leave.

“And by the way - I _do_ care, alright?” he says, voice tight. Peter says nothing, but he closes the door. “I care. I mean it. Even if you weren’t my damn soulmate I’d care, understood? Don’t you dare think otherwise.”

A second too late, he realizes what he said. “Your...soulmate?” Peter repeats, confused. A second later, realization dawns. “I’m your _soulmate_?”

He sighs, no longer angry, just weary. “Yeah,” he admits. “I lied, the day we met, okay? Rhodey’s not my soulmate - Pepper is, but not Rhodey.”

He stares at him for a second, before the surprise in his eyes abruptly turns to anger. “ _Why didn’t you tell me?_ ”

“Kid-” he starts, but Peter cuts him off.

“No, you don’t get it! I hadn’t met either of my soulmates, not _one_ of them! And you’ve been my hero my whole life, and then you were just sitting there, talking to my aunt and eating her walnut date loaf even though it’s terrible, and telling her it was great, and I was so shocked because you’re _Tony Stark!_ ” he exclaims, cheeks flushed and eyes bright. “And then you met my eyes and all of a sudden I could _see_! I mean, I could finally see May’s eyes and her hair, and the apartment wasn’t as grey anymore, and I knew Tony Stark was my platonic soulmate, and, and I was so excited! It was like-”

“Like a puzzle piece you didn’t even know was missing fell into place,” Tony says quietly, his butler’s words from years and years ago drifting back to him. Peter pauses and looks at him.

“Yeah,” he says, in a quieter voice. “I was so excited. And then you looked me in the eyes and, and you told me that I wasn’t your soulmate. You told me that. And then it was like the world was grey again, except it wasn’t, and that made it even worse because it reminded me that you weren’t my soulmate. When I saw Ned the next day, I could finally see him properly. And the school was like a different place, but I couldn’t even enjoy it because I kept thinking, _I’m not his soulmate. He’s mine, but I’m not his._ And now - now you just told me you lied. You _lied_ to me.”

“I’m sorry, kid,” he says, but Peter shakes his head.

“That doesn’t change anything. You still lied to me, didn’t you?”

He stays quiet, trying to blink away the wetness in his eyes.

“It hurt so much,” Peter whispers, after a tense moment.

“I shouldn’t have lied to you,” Tony says, turning to face him when he’s sure he won’t cry. “I shouldn’t have, and I know that, and I’m sorry.”

Peter pauses. “I don’t know if I can forgive you.”

“You shouldn’t. You have every right not to. You should - you should be yelling at me and telling me you hate me and-” His voice cracks, and he takes a deep breath.

“Why?” It’s a simple word, but it packs so much emotion that it’s like a punch in the gut. “Why did you lie to me?”

He’s tempted to stay quiet. He’s tempted to tell the kid to leave, tempted to tell him to forget this ever happened, but - he knows what it’s like to be lied to by someone you thought you could trust. He’s done with lying to him. Peter deserves better than that.

“Because I was scared,” Tony tells him, making him look up sharply. “I was scared that I’d ruin you, because I’d just met you and I already knew you were such a good kid. A good person. And I put everyone around me in danger, and I didn’t want to do that to you. That’s why I took the suit. So you wouldn’t get hurt.”

“You could’ve told me later,” he says quietly, and he nods.

“And I _was_. I was going to tell you later, but then I was scared that you wouldn’t believe me, or that you’d hate me or something.” Tony laughs at that, a little wetly. “I guess I was right. Still, I had no right to lie to you. I’m sorry. You don’t need to forgive me - I just need you to know that.”

Peter stays quiet for a long moment. “I still don’t know if I can forgive you. But - thank you. For apologizing. And thanks for driving me home. I should go.”

He nods, throat too tight to let him speak, and Peter leaves. He watches him walk away, go through the door, not looking back once, and when he’s out of sight, he drops his head onto the steering wheel and _cries_.

* * *

Despite everything - despite the lies, the betrayal, the heartbreak - Peter still saves Tony’s plane, and captures the Vulture while he’s at it. He seems so certain Tony’s going to be mad at him that his heart breaks.

Happy drives Peter to the Compound. He watches them come in through the window, and then he goes to meet them.

“Give me a minute with the kid,” he tells Happy.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. I gotta talk to the kid.”

“I’ll be close behind,” Happy warns him.

“How about a loose follow?” he suggests. “All right? Boundaries are good.”

He punches Peter on the shoulder playfully, then puts an arm around him, holding his breath. When Peter doesn’t move away, he relaxes minutely. “Listen,” he says, too quiet for Happy to hear, “I wanted to apologize. Again. And also, thank you for saving the plane. I should’ve listened to more of what you had to say. I shouldn’t have taken away the suit.”

“No, it’s fine, Mr. Stark,” Peter says, grinning a little. “It was the perfect sort of tough-love moment that I needed. And you _did_ listen to what I told you. The rest was kind of Happy’s fault. He wouldn’t listen to what I tried to tell him.”

“Right.” He clears his throat. After a moment, Peter speaks again.

“I forgive you, you know.” He gives him a sharp look.

“Come again?”

“For the soulmates thing. I forgive you for keeping it secret.” He blinks.

“Oh. That’s...that’s good of you, kid. I don’t know if I deserve it, though.”

Peter shrugs. “Even if you don’t, I still choose to forgive you. So. Yeah. Um, why’d you call me here, anyways?”

He starts. “Right!” He squeezes Peter’s shoulders. “You screwed the pooch hard. Big time. But then you did the right thing. Took the dog to the free clinic, you raised the hybrid puppies…” 

Peter gives him a _look._

“All right, not my best analogy,” he admits, and the teenager laughs. “I was wrong about you. I think, with a little more mentoring, you could be a real asset to the team.”

“To the...to the team?” Peter repeats.

“Yeah. Anyways,” Tony continues, pointing at the door, fully aware of the bombshell he’s just dropped on the teenager, “There’s about fifty reporters behind that door. Real ones, not bloggers.”

He presses a few buttons on his watch, and a compartment in the wall opens, revealing his best suit yet - the Iron Spider suit.

“When you’re ready, why don’t you try that on? And I’ll introduce the world to the newest official member of the Avengers - Spider-Man.”

“I…” Peter trails off. There’s awe shining in his eyes, along with anticipation and amazement and a tiny hint of pride.

“So, after the press conference, Happy will show you to your room.” He pauses. “Where’s he between? He’s next to Vision?” he asks Happy.

“Yeah, Vision’s not big on doors,” Happy says. “Or walls.”

“You’ll fit right in,” Tony tells Peter. The teenager hesitates, before turning around and meeting his eyes, which feels much more significant than it probably should.

“Thank you, Mr. Stark. But I’m good,” Peter says. He raises his eyebrows.

“Good? How are you good?”

“Well, I mean, I’m…I’d rather just stay on the ground for a little while,” he says. “Friendly neighborhood Spider Man. Somebody’s got to look out for the little guy, right?”

He takes off his sunglasses and stares into his eyes. There’s fear in there, but defiance, too, and he knows he won’t be backing down. Pepper will freak out when she finds out, though, so he tries one more time. “You turning me down? You better think about this. Last chance - yes or no?”

“No.”

He blinks. “Okay.”

“Okay? Just like that?” Peter asks, in a disbelieving sort of way. He shrugs.

“It’s kind of a Springsteen-y, working class hero vibe that I dig. Uh, Happy will take you home. Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Happy confirms. “Mind waiting in the car, Parker? I need a minute.”

“Uh - yeah, okay,” Peter agrees, sounding a little dazed. He can’t blame him. He’s had a weird day. “Thank you, Mr. Stark.”

“Yes, Mr. Parker. Very well.” He gives him a nod, and they shake hands. Before he can let go, Tony pulls him a little closer and whispers in his ear, “By the way, kid, I’m glad you’re my soulmate.”

Peter grins, letting go of his hand. “Me too, Mr. Stark.”

The teenager starts to walk away with a spring in his step, but he falters. “That was just a test, right?” he calls, as Tony puts away the suit with a tap on his watch. “There’s, uh, nobody back there?”

He eyes him for a second. “Yeah. you passed, by the way.”

“Okay,” Peter says, nodding. “Bye, Mr. Stark!”

“Bye, kid.”

As he leaves, Happy says, “Told you he was a good kid.”

“No, you didn’t. You complained about him all the damn time, Hap,” he disagrees. Happy shrugs.

“Guilty as charged.”

(He returns the suit.)

* * *

Tony and Pepper get engaged.

It’s all thanks to Peter.

“I should buy him something,” he says thoughtfully that night. “Like - a car.”

“Tony, _no._ ”

* * *

The next week, he gets a call from Peter. He raises his eyebrows, mildly surprised, and picks up the call. “Hello?”

“Uh, hey, Mr. Stark.” Peter sounds nervous. “Um, sorry, but-”

There’s a shuffling sound, and then May Parker says, “Stark. Come to the apartment, right now. I’d like to hear an explanation as to why you kept the fact that my nephew dresses up and runs around the neighbourhood and endangers his life a secret from me.”

He gulps. _Oh, shit._

“You’re going to come and explain yourself, then you’re going to leave and never contact us again.”

He tries to swallow the lump in his throat. He barely manages to get out, “Okay.”

May ends the call, and his hands start to shake.

* * *

“I shouldn’t have kept it a secret from you,” Tony says. May nods, eyes sharp and fierce.

“You shouldn’t have,” she agrees. “But you still haven’t told me why. _And_ why you took a _fourteen year old kid to Germany to help you fight Captain America!_ ”

“May-” Peter tries, but she holds up a hand.

“Peter,” she says. “You and I had our talk last night. Right now, I’m talking to Stark.”

Peter deflates, but he nods. “Just - promise to hear him out?”

May gives him a considering look. “Fine,” she concedes, her voice hard. “Now get talking.”

“About telling you - I don’t really have any reason for why I didn’t,” he admits. “I figured if you found out, it should be from Peter, not a random billionaire who barged into your home out of nowhere. And for Germany...well. Firstly, I gave him strict instructions to keep his distance and web the others up. Nothing more.”

“I _saw_ the footage of the fight!” she yells, and he winces at the reminder. Officials had released the security footage after the fight, and it had immediately gone viral. “You _never_ should have taken him there in the first place!”

“I know,” he says, rubbing his face. His hands are still shaking. “I shouldn’t have done a lot of things. But I didn’t that Cap - that Rogers was going to turn it into a fight. If I had, I wouldn’t have taken him.”

“You shouldn’t have anyways.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” He’s like a broken record. All his life, it’s been sorry - sorry for messing up, sorry for being a failure, sorry for existing, sorry for forgetting, and now sorry for endangering a _child._ “And I want you to know - I _did_ take away the suit. After the ferry incident, I mean. I thought that maybe if I took it he’d stop, and that I could give it back to him with more upgrades and features when he was older.”

May looks surprised. “Wait - _that’s_ what you meant when you said you lost the Stark internship?” she asks Peter. He nods, embarrassed. 

“He didn’t stop,” Tony continues. “He just got out his old, homemade suit and went and saved a bunch of valuable tech, even after everything. And then after, I figured that if I couldn’t stop him...I might as well as protect him as much as I can.”

She nods, taking this in. After a second, her eyes widen, and she looks at Peter. “Wait- the ferry...that’s when you told me. About him keeping the soulmate thing from you.”

“Yeah,” he mutters, ears red. He’s staring at his hands, refusing to meet their gazes, and he feels a rush of sympathy for the kid, but it’s quickly swept away by fear when May rounds on him.

“And _why,_ may I ask, did you keep _that_ from him?” Her glare is almost as terrifying as Pepper’s. He squashes the urge to flee for his life and swallows. “You had no right to do that!”

“I-” Tony starts, but Peter cuts him off.

“May! He had a reason for that, and he told me,” he says breathlessly. He trips over the words, like he’s afraid the words will disappear if he doesn’t get them out fast enough. “And I took some days, and I thought about it, and - and I forgive him. It’s _fine_ , May, I swear.”

“But-” Her voice catches. “You were so upset. Are you _sure_?”

Peter looks at Tony and meets his eyes. He holds his gaze as he says, “Yeah, I am.” And with those words, a weight he hadn’t even known he’d been carrying disappears from his shoulders. He presses his hands together. They’ve stopped shaking.

* * *

In the end, May agrees to let Tony continue mentoring Peter, but she has her own conditions. 

“Number one: your curfew is 1:00,” she tells Peter. “I come back from my shift at about 12, so I’ll have time to change and shower and eat and whatnot before you come back.” She levels him with a stern look. “If you stay out past your curfew, I _will_ know.”

Peter gulps. “Got it.”

“If you want,” Tony adds, “I could put in a feature that sends an alert to you if he stays out.”

Peter shoots him a betrayed look as May agrees. “Dude,” he says. “I thought we were soulmates.”

“We _are._ I’m just making sure you don’t stay out too late.”

“Make sure we _both_ get a notification,” she tells him. “I might be busy, so you’ll have to talk to him sometimes.”

“Okay,” he agrees.

“Number two,” May continues. “Don’t you _dare_ try and take care of an injury alone. I’m a nurse _._ I can help you with some stuff, but if it’s serious, like a…” She trails off, then takes a deep breath and continues. “Like a - a stab wound, or something, go to him.”

She jerks her head towards Tony. “Me?” he asks, puzzled. “Oh, right - the Med Bay.”

“Yeah,” she agrees. “You have more advanced medicine and equipment - scratch that, you have more in general. So it’s probably best that you go to him for injuries.”

“Alright,” Peter nods.

“Number three - don’t prioritize Spider Man over school. I mean it,” May adds, when he tries to protest. “It’s a good thing that you’re doing, but school is still important. I _know_ that you’re smart, baby, but high school is hell. You get so much homework and responsibilities, and your body starts changing - it’s a hard time. So you can’t let Spider Man take over your entire life. Understood?”

He obviously doesn’t like it, but the teenager agrees. Tony feels bad that he hasn’t done something like this before. He _really_ messed up. Silently, he promises that he’ll be better. Starting right now.

“Can I add something, too?” he asks. May studies him for a second before nodding. “Thanks. Pete, if you have a personal problem, or if you’re tired, or if you’re stressed - don’t try and go out as Spider Man. It’s not worth it. Trust me, I’d know. And…” He hesitates.

“And?” Peter prods.

“If you have nightmares, or anything like that - you can _always_ come and talk to me. Hey, I mean it,” Tony adds when he just flushes and looks away. “Nightmares suck. I’d know. But they’re the hazard of being a superhero. You’re incredibly brave, kid, but admitting that you need help doesn’t make you weak. It took me years to realize that. Don’t be like me.”

Peter stays quiet for a long moment. “...okay,” he finally whispers, and he counts it as a win. The kid’s phone screen lights up with a notification, and he jumps. “Oh, right, I forgot! I’m meeting with Ned today! If I can still go, I mean.”

May waves him away. “Alright, fine. Tell Ned I said hi.”

“Of course!” Peter says, jumping up. “I’m gonna go change.”

There’s an awkward silence after he leaves. “I _am_ sorry, you know,” he says after a minute. He’s said it before, and he’ll say it a million times over if that’s what it takes to get her to believe him.

May sighs. “I know you are. And I don’t know if I’m ready to accept your apology yet. But I’m trusting you with the life of my kid, Tony.”

 _Tony,_ he notices. _Not Stark._

“Don’t let either of us down, okay?”

He nods. “Okay.” There’s a beat of silence. “You’ve got a good kid there, May.”

She smiles for the first time since he came. “I know.”

* * *

A month after Toomes is taken to jail, Peter gets hurt on patrol for the first time. Badly.

It’s not really his _first_ time, he supposes, just the first time he’s been hurt so badly, but he can’t be bothered with that. Not right now, when his soulmate is bleeding out in his arms, deliriously mumbling about things he can’t hear.

“M’sr Stark?” he slurs, when he opens his eyes. “‘s that you?”

“It’s me, buddy,” Tony answers, doing his best to keep his tone lighthearted. “How you doing, bud?”

Peter groans and rolls his head to face him. “Not good.”

“I thought so.” He doesn’t know if it’s safe to move him yet. “FRIDAY, scan him and give me a list of injuries. Tell me if it’s safe to move him.”

“Got it,” she says, then goes silent. He returns his attention to Peter, trying for a smile.

“You wanna tell me how this happened?”

Peter stays silent. A trail of blood traces a path down to his chin from his lips. A bubble of panic starts to form.

“Peter!”

After what feels like an eternity but was probably only seconds, Peter cracks open an eye. “Hey, M’sr Stark,” he whispers. He leans back, relieved.

“Hey, buddy. Try and keep your eyes open for me, okay?” He hums, and Tony grabs his hand. “You feel that? I’m holding your hand. Try not to fall asleep. If you can’t feel my hand, tell me, okay?”

“M’kay.”

“FRIDAY?”

She gives him a list of injuries as the kid’s eyes start to droop, and it’s _bad._ But it’s safe to move him, so he steps back into the armour. The second he lets go, Peter’s eyes fly open, panic clear on his face. “M’sr Stark!” he gasps, then immediately groans.

“I’m here, buddy! I’m right here, I’m just getting into the armour so I can take you to the Compound, alright?” Peter’s eyes hazily slide over to the armour, and he nods slowly, heavily, like there’s something weighing him down. He crouches next to him and carefully scoops him up, trying not to jostle his injuries. A whimper escapes the teenager’s mouth,and he immediately murmurs apologies, trying to be even more careful. “Alright, Pete, you ready? We’re about to fly.”

Any other time, he knows, Peter would be ecstatic. He’d be rambling all about the suit and how cool it is and can we go faster Mr. Stark please I won’t fall off I swear! But right now all he does is nod his head listlessly as they take off. “ETA?”

“10 minutes, Boss.” FRIDAY sounds worried. “I’ve contacted Dr. Cho. She’s preparing for you as we speak.”

“Good,” he breathes, pushing the suit as fast as it can go. “Pull up the baby monitor feed, tell me what happened.”

Ha watches in silence as Peter attempts to foil a robbery. He’s doing great, chattering as normal, dodging attacks left and right. He’s got almost everyone webbed up, but there’s a guy missing. Peter doesn’t seem to notice, at least until the man leaps out of nowhere and thrusts a knife into his abdomen. The sight makes Tony’s stomach turn. Somehow, the kid manages to web him up, one hand still pressed to his stomach, before staggering out of the bank. He knows what happens next, and he doesn’t want to see it.

“Okay, enough,” he says, a bit too sharply. “Sorry, Fri.”

Peter’s been silent a little too long now. Worry and guilt churn in his gut. He should’ve been paying more attention, he should’ve gotten there sooner, he should’ve done more.

“Hey, buddy, can you still hear me? We’re flying right now. Did I ever tell you about the first time I tried to fly after Afghanistan? Man, I was an idiot. Basically...”

He keeps talking, rambling about him and Rhodey at MIT and the shit they’d get up to together and the ways they’d annoy others. He was telling Peter about Jarvis - the original Jarvis, his butler - when they finally reached the Compound.

“Alright, buddy, we’re here.”

There’s no answer.

“Peter?”

His head lolls to the side. His eyes are closed. His face is pale, and his skin is clammy. In a panic, Tony lands where the medical team is waiting for them with a stretcher and places Peter on it gently. He stumbles out of the suit and brushes a few sweat-soaked strands of hair away from Peter’s forehead gently, before stepping back and letting him be taken away. There’s so much he wants to say, so much he wants to do, but his throat is tight and his hands are trembling and his heart is racing.

“Tony?” It’s Pepper, running out of the Compound towards him. Her face is pale in the dim light of the moon. “Are you okay? FRIDAY sent an alert, what’s going on?”

He can’t say anything, just jerks his head in a twitchy sort of nod to acknowledge her. She straightens up, laces their fingers together, gently leads him inside. It’s only when they’re sitting down in front of the room where Peter is that he manages to speak.

“Peter,” he chokes out. “He got - he was on patrol, and he got stabbed, and - there was so much _blood,_ Pepper, I don’t-”

He can’t say anything else. He stares at his hands. They’re covered with blood.

 _Peter’s_ blood.

In that instant, he knows that he could scrub and scrub and scrub, and the feeling of Peter’s blood staining his hands will never go away.

“Someone should call his aunt,” Pepper says, reaching for her phone. “What’s her number?”

The familiar numbers leave his numb lips, and he listens as she explains everything to May. He’s there but not there. He’s drifting away, away from the blood and the hurt and the pain and the heartbreak.

“-ony? Tony?” It’s Rhodey’s voice that brings him back. He doesn’t know when his best friend came and he doesn’t care. His warm brown eyes peer at him with concern. “You with me?”

He nods, feeling everything and nothing at the same time, but a second later all he can feel is panic as the brown drains from Rhodey’s eyes, leaving grey in their wake. “No,” he gasps. “No, no, no, no, _no_!”

“What is it?” Pepper asks frantically. “What’s going on?”

He can only raise a shaking finger. “Your _eyes,_ ” he rasps, and something in Rhodey’s eyes clicks.

“No,” he breathes. “Tony, are my eyes - are they turning grey?”

Tony nods, only just registering that his breaths are too fast and too short, but then, the grey stops slowly crawling across his best friend’s eyes. It freezes, not receding, but not continuing either. After an eternity, the grey slowly crawls away, leaving nothing but brown, and another eternity later, Helen comes out and tells them that Peter will be okay.

He doesn’t think he’s ever gotten up so fast before.

“You can’t see him yet,” she tells them, and he doesn’t think he’s hated her so much before, which isn’t fair to her but then again, he’s not being fair to _anyone_ right now, in his opinion. “Give us an hour or so, and then you can see him.”

In that hour, May arrives in a whirlwind of worry and tears. The first thing she does is ask about Peter. “Is he alright?” she demands tearfully. “Is he alive?”

He nods, and she throws her arms around him.

“Thank you,” she sobs. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

He doesn’t know what to do. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles, and she pulls away, glaring at him fiercely.

“Don’t you _dare_ apologize for saving Peter’s life.” She sniffs. “I thought he was _gone._ ”

He opens his mouth to say something, but all that comes out is a sob. May wraps her arms around him again, and this time he hugs her back.

* * *

May’s the first to see him. She gets five minutes, and then she comes out with eyes that are even more bloodshot than before. “You go next,” she tells him. “He’s awake. He said he wanted to see you.”

Tony swallows and heads inside the door, preparing for an emotional shock wave, but seeing Peter - seeing his _soulmate_ \- covered in bandages and lying motionless on a hospital bed is far worse than he thought it’d be. He tries to take comfort in the fact that he can still see the colour of Peter’s hair. “Pete?”

The teenager cracks open an eye. When he catches sight of Tony, a slow smile spreads across his face. “Hey, Mr. Stark,” he says, only slightly sleepy.

“Hey, buddy,” he replies in a strangled voice. He takes a seat next to the bed. “How are you feeling?”

Peter shifts. “I’m fine!” he says cheerfully. “This bed is really comfy, you know, and I think they gave me a lot of drugs or something because I feel so soft and - and _fluffy._ ”

He chokes on a laugh. “Fluffy, huh? Cool. Honestly, though, kid, you nearly gave me a heart attack. You’re supposed to stay _away_ from the pointy side of the things, that’s common sense.”

He sniffs. “I have _spidey_ sense, not common sense, Mr. Stark.”

Tony gapes at him for a second, before closing his mouth and jabbing a finger at him. “That - that is very true, and you obviously need training, so from now on, Rhodey and I will be helping you learn how to fight. Actually, Happy can help too - he’s really good at boxing and fighting and that sort of shit, we used to spar together. You know, there was this one time-”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait,” Peter interrupts, struggling to sit up. “Are you saying that I’m going to be trained by two _superheroes_?”

He shrugs. “I mean, yeah. What else did you think?”

Peter gapes at him, eyes wide with shock. “That’s insane! I mean, I can’t believe this - Ned is going to freak out!” Something seems to occur to him. “Wait, what about school?”

“What _about_ school?” Tony asks, confused. “Wait - are you seriously asking if you can go to school after being _stabbed_ and nearly _dying_?”

“I mean, yeah.” Peter has the decency to look a little sheepish. “And I don’t think it was _that_ bad, Mr. Stark.”

He sucks in a breath. “Oh, it was, Spiderling. You were out for most of it, but you lost a lot of blood. And you got stabbed right beneath your belly button. It hit your kidney.”

Peter goes pale. “Oh.”

“Yeah. That surgery saved your life.” Here, he debates whether or not to keep going, before deciding that he might as well. “And...while Helen was working on you...brown started to fade for me.”

He looks up sharply. “What?”

“It was...like the colour brown was bleeding out of my life. I nearly had a panic attack right then and there.” He clears his throat and sniffs. “Anyways, no school for you, and remember to be more careful. I’ll work out the details for the training with May. I should probably let you rest now, you’re half-asleep.”

He gets up and is already halfway to the door when Peter says, “Mr. Stark?” in a small voice, and he’s reminded of just how _young_ this boy is.

“Yeah, kid?” Tony says, turning around and giving him a half-hearted smile. Peter twists his blanket between his fingers for a second, before looking up and meeting his eyes.

“I’m sorry I made you go through that,” he says, and he feels a rush of affection. Only Peter would apologize for something like this, even though it wasn’t his fault.

“It wasn’t your fault, kid.”

“Still,” Peter insists. “I’m sorry.”

He looks at him, looks at his messed up curls and pale skin and red-tinged eyes, and he feels the sudden urge to cry. “In that case,” he says softly, “I accept.”

* * *

Tony and May decide that Peter can come over for training every Sunday. They’ll rotate who’s going to be training him, but Tony will always be there to supervise.

He also makes the internship real.

“Mr. Stark, this is - thank you so much, I can’t believe this,” Peter stammers when he breaks the news to him. He’s fully recovered from his injury, and he looks healthier than ever. “I don’t - I don't even know what to say.”

He laughs and cuffs him on the back of the head lightly. “Then don’t say anything, just smile for the camera.”

“Wait, camera?” he asks, excitement momentarily clouded by confusion. He rolls his eyes fondly.

“Yeah, you thought I wouldn’t take a picture? I’ll be sending a copy of it to May, by the way,” he informs him with a grin. “Anyways, here’s your certificate.”

Peter takes it gently, holding it like it’s something precious. The look in his eyes - a mixture of awe and pride and happiness - brings a lump to his throat, for some reason. “Wow.”

“Yeah, it’s nice isn’t it? You can brag about it to your little nerd friends. Speaking of your friends, didn’t one of them hack into my suit? Ted, was it?”

Peter rolls his eyes. They’ve gone through this a million times before. “It’s _Ned,_ Mr. Stark.”

“Yeah, him,” he agrees, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “When he graduates I want to offer him an internship, too. He’s smart, and _has_ to be good with computers if he could hack into my suit.”

Peter gapes at him. “Wait, what? Ned is - he’s going to - he’ll probably faint when I tell him. You’re not kidding, right?”

“Nope,” he says, popping the ‘p’. “One hundred percent serious. Anyways, Rhodey should be here with the camera in a second. I was going to ask Happy, but he’s terrible with cameras.”

Right on time, Rhodey appears around the corner, a camera hanging around his neck. HIs braces whir as he heads toward them with a grin. “Hey, Tones. Hey, kid.”

“Um…” Peter stares at him. “Hi! You’re - you’re Colonel Rhodes! It’s so cool to meet you again!” He pales. “I mean-”

“Relax, kid,” Tony interrupts. “He knows.”

He relaxes. “Oh, okay.”

“Anyways, can I take the picture?” Rhodey says. They both nod, and he raises the camera. A second later, the shutter clicks, and he immediately moves to his best friend’s side.

“Alright, lemme see,” he demands. Rhodey holds up the camera so they can all see. They’re both giving each other bunny ears, Peter grinning while Tony seems mostly indifferent, but there’s a happy gleam in his eyes. The certificate is upside down, but Peter doesn’t seem to care, too excited and happy about the internship. He stares at the photo for a long second, overcome by a wave of _something._ “Okay, this is going up. I’m going to put it in the most obnoxious frame possible and hang it up.”

“Mr. Stark!” Peter protests, and he sighs.

“Fine, a normal frame.”

“No!” The teenagers cheeks are glowing red, and he rubs the back of his neck. “Why would you want a picture of me up? I mean, I’m just an intern.”

He gives him a fond smile. “No. No, kid, you’re much more than that.”

(He hangs it up.)

* * *

For his first afternoon as an intern, Peter gets to help him with some R&D stuff. “I’m supposed to look these over and give them my approval,” Tony explains. “and since you’ll definitely be just as good at it, I want you to help.”

“I don’t know,” Peter says shyly. “I’m not as smart as you.”

“Yeah, you are,” he argues. “And when you grow up, I can guarantee you’ll be even smarter.”

That seems to please Peter and he gets to work. They sit at their respective tables in silence, before he sighs. “It’s too quiet. FRIDAY, could you please turn on the music?”

“Sure thing, Boss,” she chirps, and Back in Black starts to play. Peter looks up with a grin.

“Oh, I love Led Zeppelin!” he says. The look on Tony’s face must be hilarious, because he bursts out laughing. “Just kidding, Mr. Stark, I know it’s AC/DC.”

“Good,” he sniffs. “or else I’d have to disown you as my intern.”

“And soulmate.”

“And soulmate,” he agrees. “Anyways, I was thinking after we’re done this, which shouldn’t take too long with both of us working, that we could add some features to your suit.”

“Oh, cool!” Peter perks up. “Could we put in a voice modifier?”

He considers the idea. “Alright, why not?” he agrees. “Personally, I think it’s a good idea. Nobody can take you seriously with your voice cracks and whatnots.”

“I do _not_ have voice cracks!” Naturally, Peter’s voice cracks when he says that. He tries to cover his laugh with a cough, none too successfully. “I wanted to add it because then people wouldn’t be able to recognize my voice, by the way.”

“Of course,” he says indulgently.

“It’s true!”

He raises his arms. “I never said it wasn’t!”

Peter huffs and goes back to work, and Tony grins. This will be fun.

* * *

All too quickly, a year passes, in which Peter gets a new crush, finds out he has a room at the Compound, and continues giving Tony grey hairs.

And then Peter’s getting ready for his driving test. “Hey,” Tony says, placing a hand on his shoulder, “It’s fine, you’ll do great. We’ve been practicing a lot, haven’t we?”

“What if I mess up?” Peter asks, wringing his hands. “I mean, what if it turns out like the first time you taught me?.”

He winces at the reminder of that disastrous afternoon. They’d gone out to a deserted place, and then the rest of the class had been dubbed “the deer incident” which had involved a car, a tree, a couple of startled squirrels, and one very large deer. “Honestly, I don’t think you could go back to being that bad, kid. Trust me, you’ll be fine.”

Peter chews his lip. “Okay.”

“I mean it.” When he still looks unconvinced, Tony sighs. “Listen. There’s not a _single_ test in your entire life that you haven’t aced, and this won’t be an exception. Even if it is, you can always go back and do it again, and May and I will help you every step of the way. Got it?”

He nods, looking a little more confident. “Got it.”

“Also,” he continues, tossing him a pair of keys, “I thought that you could take one of my cars. Don’t worry, it’s black, not yellow or anything.”

It’s a mark of how nervous he is that Peter simply nods instead of protesting. “You really think I’ll be fine?”

“I know you will,” Tony tells him confidently. “Now, I’ll drive you there and go get some coffee while you take your test. Call me when you’re done, and you can tell me all about it.”

“Okay,” Peter agrees. “Thanks, Mr. Stark.”

“No problem, kid.”

* * *

After he drops Peter off, Tony goes to get some coffee. He sits down and drinks it surreptitiously, hoping nobody will notice him. For once, his wish is granted.

Some time after he’s done his second cup, his phone rings. “Mr. Stark!” Peter says excitedly, the second he picks up. “I passed!”

He laughs, throwing his cup away and heading out. “Told you you’d be fine, didn’t I? Great job, kid!”

“And I also stopped a robbery while the guy was telling me whether I passed or not, and then I came back and asked if I passed, and he said I did, and I think I might’ve given him a heart attack or something, but I passed!”

He grins at the infectious enthusiasm and pure joy in Peter’s voice. “So, now that you’ve gotten your license, you wanna drive us back?”

“Can I?” he asks shyly. “I’d like to.”

“Well then, I don’t see why not,” Tony tells him. “I’ll drive us to Ben and Jerry’s and we can get celebratory ice cream from there - did you know they named a flavor after me? I know I swore off dairy but I can’t _not_ eat that - and then you can drive us back from there, capisce?”

“Ca...yeah, okay,” Peter agrees, sounding excited. “Hey, do you think they’ll name a flavour after me?”

He grins. “Probably. If they don’t, I can always pay them to.”

“Mr. Stark!”

* * *

The day before his 48th birthday, Rhodey takes Tony out so they can go to Walmart and Target and look for anything War Machine or Iron Man themed candy and eat it up so they get a sugar rush. It’s a tradition they started during MIT, though back then they’d just look for any good, sugary stuff, and it’s one they’ll be keeping. Usually, Happy comes too, but he’s on a date with someone he refuses to give them the name of.

The cashier is understandably surprised when they dump two armfuls of candy, but she takes it in her stride. “Um, could I have your autographs?” she asks, just before they leave. They grapple over the pen, and then she gets a dollar bill signed by both of them. As they gather up their candy, she adds, “Happy birthday, Mr. Stark!”

He glances at his watch. It’s 12:00. He grins at her. “Thanks, kid. Have a good day - or night, or whatever.”

They feast on their food on the way back until Rhodey has to throw up, and then they save the rest for the rest of the week. Pepper always shakes her head at them, but she always smiles and eats some as well, so it’s fine.

“Did you two eat a bunch of candy again?” she asks the second she catches sight of them. He smiles guiltily.

“Yes,” he admits, and she sighs fondly.

“Well, you both can burn that energy tonight in the lab,” she tells them. “In fact, I might join you - though I’ll be doing SI stuff, of course.”

“Naturally,” Rhodey agrees.

“You want a candy?” Tony asks, holding out an Iron Man lollipop. She takes it and puts it in her mouth.

“Alright, you two, let’s go.”

They spend half the night laughing and talking while they do their respective work, and then at 7 in the morning Pepper drags them upstairs and they watch old Disney movies and some of the more recent ones as they eat ice cream, as per tradition. It’s probably bad that they’re eating so much sugar, but Pepper’s smiling, and then Rhodey’s cursing because his favourite character just died even though they all knew it was coming, so it’s all well and good.

“I love you guys,” he says suddenly, as the end credits for Big Hero Six start to play. They both grin at him.

“We know,” Pepper says. “I love you too.”

Tony looks expectantly at his best friend. “I love you too, man,” Rhodey says. He sniffs loudly and wipes his eyes.

“Aw, you guys are going to make me cry. Come here.” He kisses Pepper on the cheek, then grabs a protesting Rhodey and loudly smooches his cheek.

“Seriously, man?” Rhodey says, but he’s grinning, and everything’s fine.

* * *

At some point, they must fall asleep, because he’s woken up by a flash of light and a familiar giggle. “Oh, shit, did I wake him up?” Peter’s voice hisses. Tony sits up groggily, groping around for his bedside lamp before remembering that they stayed up last night. He cracks open an eye.

“Peter?” he mumbles, rubbing his eyes. “When’d you get here?”

“Oh, um, hey, Mr. Stark,” Peter whispers. Happy’s standing next to him. “Happy brought me here because I wanted to celebrate your birthday.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s my birthday, isn’t it?” he remembers, sitting up. He looks around. They’d dozed off in a pile on the couch. Pepper’s curled up next to him, and Rhodey’s one his other side, arm thrown over Tony’s legs and head resting on his shoulder. The sight makes him smile, and then he catches sight of Happy. “Hey, Hap, how was your date? You missed our tradition of watching movies all night.”

“Good,” Happy grunts. “I hate that tradition.”

“Aw, we all know you love it,” Tony says. Happy rolls his eyes and throws something into his lap. It’s an article from a newspaper.

“Happy birthday. There’s your present.” He picks it up and reads through it, smile growing with every word. At the end, he puts it down and laughs, loud enough to make Rhodey mutter something about shutting up.

“I can’t believe it!” he says gleefully, brandishing the article dissing Hammer Tech in front of Happy and Peter’s faces. “This is amazing! Did Christine write this?”

“Yup,” Happy confirms, and Peter asks, “Who’s Christine?”

“Christine Everhart,” Tony tells him. “She’s a reporter, I slept with her ten years ago, and-”

“Mr. Stark! Gross!” Peter interrupts. “That’s like hearing about my _dad’s_ sex life!”

He freezes and stares at him with wide eyes. Peter looks worried, and then embarrassed. “Did you-”

“ _Anyways,_ ” the teenager says in a hurry, “you should get up and change your clothes and stuff.”

“Uh, yeah, okay.” He wakes up Pepper and Rhodey before quickly fleeing the room. When Peter had compared him to his dad, he felt scared, sure, because _yes,_ he does think of Peter as his kid. But what if he turns out like Howard? He never wants to be like his dad.

But a part of him had also felt...warm. And happy. And there was another emotion there, too, something a lot like love _._

Maybe it should scare him even more, but he grins.

Being a dad is nice.

* * *

When he gets out of his room, he’s immediately ambushed by Peter. “What- hey, get off me!” he complains, as the teenagers wraps a blindfold around his head.

“Sorry!” he apologizes as he drops off him. “Just follow me, okay?”

“How do I know you won’t make me walk into a wall?” Tony asks suspiciously, grabbing Peter’s shoulder. He feels him shrug.

“I guess you’ll just have to trust me,” he says, starting to walk, and dammit, he _does_ trust the kid, so he follows.

After a minute, Peter takes his hand off his shoulder. “Okay, I’m going to take off the blindfold,” he says, sounding nervous. A second later, it slips off, and all he can do is gape at what’s in front of him. “Surprise!”

The living room is decorated with balloons and streamers, and there’s a banner stretched along the far wall that has, “Happy birthday!” written on it in slightly wobbly letters. A second later, confetti showers all of them. “Happy birthday, Boss!” FRIDAY says cheerfully.

“Thanks, Fri,” he says dazedly, shaking confetti off him. He turns to Peter, who’s looking anywhere but him. “Did you do all of this?”

“Um, yeah,” he says, fidgeting. “And, um, May and I also made you a cake. She sucks at cooking, but she’s way better at baking, though I think we burned it a little. She wanted to come, but she has work, so she said to tell you happy birthday for her, so - happy birthday! And happy birthday from me, too!”

Tony stares at him for a second, before pulling him into a hug. “Thank you,” he whispers, only choking up a little. He remembers back when the Avengers were together. They’d occasionally throw a huge party for him, and it was always fun, but he thinks that he prefers Peter’s celebration over their’s.

“No problem, Mr. Stark,” Peter says, voice equally soft as he hugs him back. They stay like that for a moment, and then a party hat is jammed onto his head from behind. He lets go of his kid and whips around, only to find Rhodey grinning at him.

“Come on, Tones, it’s cake time!” Behind him, Pepper and Happy come out of the kitchen holding a huge cake with red and gold frosting. 

“Wow, May really outdid herself with the frosting,” Peter remarks, before they’re both tugged forward by Rhodey.

“You know, if I die from heart failure, it’ll be because of all this sugar,” Tony tells Rhodey, who nods seriously.

“But it’ll be worth it,” his best friend says, and he has to agree. “Alright, happy birthday song!”

They all sing it together, and then they cut the cake - which is kind of bad but he eats four slices of it anyways - and then they put on a movie and watch it together. Halfway through, he gets a call from Harley and spends the rest of the movie talking to him before he has to go.

All in all, it’s one of the best birthday’s ever.

* * *

Before, Tony used to have no one but Rhodey and Jarvis, and then Jarvis died, and he only had Rhodey.

Then it was Obie and Pepper and Rhodey and Happy, but Obie betrayed him, and then his family was down to the bots, JARVIS, and his other three friends, and soon enough he counted Harley as a friend too.

Then the Avengers came along, and he thought they could be family, and for a while, they were, but then JARVIS was killed and Bruce disappeared and Thor went to space and the Avengers broke up.

Now, he has FRIDAY and the bots, but he also has Pepper and Rhodey and Happy and Peter and Harley. He looks over at his family, laughing and grinning and enjoying themselves, and he smiles.

Life is good.

**Author's Note:**

> It's finally done.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Comments and kudos are always welcome!
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr](https://a-cannibalistic-elephant.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
